NEED HELP!!!!!! All Dads!!!!!!

My kids try that all the time I always ask them "What did your mom say??" The look on their faces quickly changes from hope to despair, they turn around to go try to work on mom again LOL

 

My advice to the OP:

 

You've got some phenomenal advice from the members here, the reason I love this board is because of the quality of the people participating and their maturity when required ,

 

I lurk on few different forums and the comments I see from the greater majority seem to be made by children rather than adults anyway I digress.

 

My advice to you, always remember that your kids joined your life not you theirs, we never let the arrival of our children impede on our lifestyle, of course we've made slight adjustments but we carry on the same while integrating them.

 

Your relationship with your partner is equally as important, do not ignore each other while fully devoting yourselves to the children, they need your love and support but they also need to learn to be independent and make their own mistakes along the way, they need to understand life isn't easy and things do not fall from the sky, somebody needs to work for the food which magically seems to appear on the table. They know they mean the world to me but they also know that I will discipline them when I have to, also they need to understand value and need to earn the extras they want.

 

Also do your best, and this will be very hard, to stay on the same page with your partner, kids are brilliant at manipulation they are born with PHD in that art LOL

 

Good luck and congrats, there is no better feeling in the world than experiencing the love for your children, I would also like to add, I never leave the house without hugging and kissing them and my wife, if I come and go 5 times in a day, I always do it.

 

 

Fortis

 

I appreciate all the advice! I have one part covered already. I never leave home without hugging and kissing my wife, multiple times a day (drives her crazy when she's trying to do something and I interrupt her doing this having just seen her an hour earlier) Something I plan to continue with my son!

 

Thank you

 

Jason

 

 

Mike, your thought process and mine are a mirror image. Got married when I was 25. Precondition of the marriage was, we would have no children. I had lofty goals. However after seven years of marriage and much success, I started to have some of the thoughts you been having. I can honestly say that it was the best decision of my life. It changes your perspective on everything. However, still having a few friends that never had kids. If you choose not to have children, you will never know what you missed. People will say, you've got to have kids, you don't know what you're missing. That's the truth. You won't know what you're missing. So not having children is still a good choice. Your life can still be fun and complete. However, I am glad that I made the decision that we did. We have two great boys. My oldest recently started his own company and his first year, he's been more successful than you ever imagine. It's so much fun to watch them grow.

 

OP, As far as suggestions, make your kids work for everything. Too often, successful and wealthy people tend to give their kids everything. Almost no child that's given things, ever appreciates it. I've watched a few trust fund babies, grow up to be absolutely horrible miserable people. Make them earn and work for everything. If you want to give them something, give them a 401(k) or a Roth. Invest in their future. Buy them a house for their wedding. But don't give them too much early on in life. They won't learn how to hunt.

 

As far as a few of the other suggestions, they really won't remember much when they're young. You can take them all over the world, prior to eight years old, and by 10 they won't recall any of it. Just bits and pieces. Spend a lot of time with them when they're young. But don't think taking them tons of places will give them great memories. Spend that money after their eight years old. When my boys turned 10, we start doing guy trips. They got to select the location to go someplace and do something for a week. Just the two of us. I did a trip with each of my boys. We will cherish and remember those trips more than anything. Having them pick the location and plan the trip, gives incredible buy in. It may be something you are absolutely not interested in, but you've now started to understand what they're interested in, and you need to immerse yourself into their world. Understand It. When they get their learners permit for driving a car, absolutely go out and do the 50 hours with them. Don't cheat. Some of our best nights were the nights we went driving together. One night they pick the music, the next night I pick the music. We learned about each other's music. Once you start to listen to their music and understand what they like and why they like it, you may in fact find yourself going to concerts with them. My 23-year-old son recently called me up and asked me if I wanted to go to a Corey Taylor/Slipknot concert. His friends are still blown away that not only did I go, but I knew the music and understood the lyrics. Best advice ever, just be involved.

 

 

Scotty

 

I agree with everything you mentioned about making them work for everything. I can honestly say I have worked for everything I have, because we never had anything left over after paying bills the whole time I was growing up. I knew guys in high school that had everything given to them (new cars, money, whatever) never had a job or worked through school. They never amounted to shit. A couple of them took over the family business, ran them into the ground in just a few years. Very sad really but like you mentioned they had no appreciation for it.

 

I love the idea of that with the driving, that's one to remember for sure!

 

 

I want him to learn as much as he can, try to do things, struggle with them, fail and try again. I don't know if that's the right thing or not, but it is how I learned and got to where I am.

 

Thank you

 

Jason

No, he is raising a child. It may not be his and adopting is indeed an honorable thing to do, but still no excuse for treating a human more like an unwanted pet than a family member.

 

 

 

Joe Rogan and Dan Bilzerian talk about this in detail in a podcast. There's a big difference between pleasure and happiness. Cars, houses, fancy meals... all that stuff is about pleasure. For me personally, I cannot get higher than a 5 out of 10 with any car, any house, any meal. Fortis, VCR and I talk about this all the time. Sometimes the saddest day is the day the car arrives because the chase is over. The only way I can hit a 10 in life now isn't with drugs, it's with my children and my wife. Laughing as we walk along the river, my son scoring a goal in soccer, my wife reading the kids stories... those things are a 10. Although nailing a solid deal and getting a big payoff comes in at a solid 9

Mike, your thought process and mine are a mirror image. Got married when I was 25. Precondition of the marriage was, we would have no children. I had lofty goals. However after seven years of marriage and much success, I started to have some of the thoughts you been having. I can honestly say that it was the best decision of my life. It changes your perspective on everything. However, still having a few friends that never had kids. If you choose not to have children, you will never know what you missed. People will say, you've got to have kids, you don't know what you're missing. That's the truth. You won't know what you're missing. So not having children is still a good choice. Your life can still be fun and complete. However, I am glad that I made the decision that we did. We have two great boys. My oldest recently started his own company and his first year, he's been more successful than you ever imagine. It's so much fun to watch them grow.

 

OP, As far as suggestions, make your kids work for everything. Too often, successful and wealthy people tend to give their kids everything. Almost no child that's given things, ever appreciates it. I've watched a few trust fund babies, grow up to be absolutely horrible miserable people. Make them earn and work for everything. If you want to give them something, give them a 401(k) or a Roth. Invest in their future. Buy them a house for their wedding. But don't give them too much early on in life. They won't learn how to hunt.

 

As far as a few of the other suggestions, they really won't remember much when they're young. You can take them all over the world, prior to eight years old, and by 10 they won't recall any of it. Just bits and pieces. Spend a lot of time with them when they're young. But don't think taking them tons of places will give them great memories. Spend that money after their eight years old. When my boys turned 10, we start doing guy trips. They got to select the location to go someplace and do something for a week. Just the two of us. I did a trip with each of my boys. We will cherish and remember those trips more than anything. Having them pick the location and plan the trip, gives incredible buy in. It may be something you are absolutely not interested in, but you've now started to understand what they're interested in, and you need to immerse yourself into their world. Understand It. When they get their learners permit for driving a car, absolutely go out and do the 50 hours with them. Don't cheat. Some of our best nights were the nights we went driving together. One night they pick the music, the next night I pick the music. We learned about each other's music. Once you start to listen to their music and understand what they like and why they like it, you may in fact find yourself going to concerts with them. My 23-year-old son recently called me up and asked me if I wanted to go to a Corey Taylor/Slipknot concert. His friends are still blown away that not only did I go, but I knew the music and understood the lyrics. Best advice ever, just be involved.

 

 

Thank you Scotty. I appreciate the insight, and you have re-affirmed everything my Wife and I have taken into consideration. That was really great to hear, especially given how successful you are.

 

Cheers.

 

 

HAHA.. This is a great thread. And some stellar ideas. The email one is BRILLIANT. I am going to use that idea. I got married when I was 35 ( 12 years ago ) to an amazing lady that had 2 young kids. I helped raise both of them and then 7 years ago we were blessed with another boy and 5 years ago another boy. It has been without fail the best thing I ever did. Being a dad is incredible. I grew up with with 2 dads. My birth dad and I got along but he never wanted to be a dad and when I was 6 my parents split up. My mother got remarried a few years later and we got another dad but he was more like a friend so I never really had a DAD figure in my life. My mom was awesome and like some others have posted about their moms, she worked 2 jobs and got myself and my 2 brothers through school and got us all started in life. I never wanted kids growing up. I did not think I could be a good dad and didn't want to ruin a child's life by being a dad that either didn't want to be there or a dad that just left their kids. The best thing I did was wait until I was older. When I had my very own kids the world changed again. I had no idea how much you could love someone until they were born. It will blow you away how much you can care for a human being. When people say they would die for their kids they aren't joking. You literally would put your own life before theirs just to protect them. We are the same with our kids and tell them all the time how much we love them. I think this makes a huge difference. Even if they've done something wrong and we have to punish them we don't leave the room without telling them I love you. I think this separates what they've done bad with how we feel about them. It's easy to focus on the negative but try to give them kudos for all the good too. That's one that I struggle with as its easy to concentrate on the bad but propping them up is just as important as pointing out the wrong things they do.

 

Even after reading all these posts about how great it is to be a dad you still wont get it until they are in your arms sleeping and you just stare at them. You just cant get that feeling from anything else. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world but also the most rewarding. You will be awesome. You just have to care.

Joe Rogan and Dan Bilzerian talk about this in detail in a podcast. There's a big difference between pleasure and happiness. Cars, houses, fancy meals... all that stuff is about pleasure. For me personally, I cannot get higher than a 5 out of 10 with any car, any house, any meal. Fortis, VCR and I talk about this all the time. Sometimes the saddest day is the day the car arrives because the chase is over. The only way I can hit a 10 in life now isn't with drugs, it's with my children and my wife. Laughing as we walk along the river, my son scoring a goal in soccer, my wife reading the kids stories... those things are a 10. Although nailing a solid deal and getting a big payoff comes in at a solid 9

 

You know I agree with everything you said but you nailed the last part, the business side, that's where I still get a lot of kicks a good deal gives me a lot of satisfaction and because of that I don't think I could ever retire, unfortunately my passion for acquiring and even owning cars has diminished a lot lately. I am really losing the interest

You know I agree with everything you said but you nailed the last part, the business side, that's where I still get a lot of kicks a good deal gives me a lot of satisfaction and because of that I don't think I could ever retire, unfortunately my passion for acquiring and even owning cars has diminished a lot lately. I am really losing the interest

 

Wow. Thats sad. I hope I never lose the passion for my cars but anything is possible. I used to be huge in to motorbikes and snowmobiles but as I got older I lost the passion. I guess that could happen with cars too as I get older. As long as I have a hobby to keep me busy I will be happy.

Wow. Thats sad. I hope I never lose the passion for my cars but anything is possible. I used to be huge in to motorbikes and snowmobiles but as I got older I lost the passion. I guess that could happen with cars too as I get older. As long as I have a hobby to keep me busy I will be happy.

 

I certainly haven't lost it completely but it isn't butterflies in your stomach kind of a deal anymore, I think the local gestapo also has a lot to do with it, they suck the fun out of everything with speed cameras at every corner and hidden in every possible bush they can muster. The state is spending money like it's going out of fashion and there isn't an easier source of revenue for them I can think of.

I certainly haven't lost it completely but it isn't butterflies in your stomach kind of a deal anymore, I think the local gestapo also has a lot to do with it, they suck the fun out of everything with speed cameras at every corner and hidden in every possible bush they can muster. The state is spending money like it's going out of fashion and there isn't an easier source of revenue for them I can think of.

 

 

 

Send your car to me. I can only get a 5 out of 10 with it, but I have another SV and two 5s make a 10

Send your car to me. I can only get a 5 out of 10 with it, but I have another SV and two 5s make a 10

 

Either one is still a 10 on my scale, so for the sake of efficiency and space, I'll keep it company.

So question here, but would any of you say that your financial success has also played a role in your being happy with your having had children? You read all the time about people who have children and then are miserable and hate it and it leads to stress, fights, marriages/relationships breaking apart, etc...but much of all that due to lack of money it seems. People also have dreams and goals but then having children throws them by the wayside. For many here, it seems they accomplished their big goals first.

 

Or do you think you would be just as happy if you were solidly lower middle-class with your children and had not accomplished your goals yet?

I certainly haven't lost it completely but it isn't butterflies in your stomach kind of a deal anymore, I think the local gestapo also has a lot to do with it, they suck the fun out of everything with speed cameras at every corner and hidden in every possible bush they can muster. The state is spending money like it's going out of fashion and there isn't an easier source of revenue for them I can think of.

 

Time for you to pick up one of the old boats where it's all about the cruise......400 GT, Islero S is a good start. Miura also a good choice.

 

Send your car to me. I can only get a 5 out of 10 with it, but I have another SV and two 5s make a 10

 

Send your car to me. I can only get a 5 out of 10 with it, but I have another SV and two 5s make a 10

 

You will also have a left and a right so it makes sense

So question here, but would any of you say that your financial success has also played a role in your being happy with your having had children? You read all the time about people who have children and then are miserable and hate it and it leads to stress, fights, marriages/relationships breaking apart, etc...but much of all that due to lack of money it seems. People also have dreams and goals but then having children throws them by the wayside. For many here, it seems they accomplished their big goals first.

 

Or do you think you would be just as happy if you were solidly lower middle-class with your children and had not accomplished your goals yet?

 

You do not need to be rich to have a good, happy, fulfilling life, money gives you security and buys you many things which really you can live without.

 

 

Time for you to pick up one of the old boats where it's all about the cruise......400 GT, Islero S is a good start. Miura also a good choice.

 

 

 

 

My blood boils when my new under warranty car throws a CEL, if I had an old car as you suggest and it happenened to break down I'd set it on fire myself

Either one is still a 10 on my scale, so for the sake of efficiency and space, I'll keep it company.

 

 

 

You got it

So question here, but would any of you say that your financial success has also played a role in your being happy with your having had children? You read all the time about people who have children and then are miserable and hate it and it leads to stress, fights, marriages/relationships breaking apart, etc...but much of all that due to lack of money it seems. People also have dreams and goals but then having children throws them by the wayside. For many here, it seems they accomplished their big goals first.

 

Or do you think you would be just as happy if you were solidly lower middle-class with your children and had not accomplished your goals yet?

 

 

 

There are issues that come with the absence of money, it brings financial stress which flows into relationship stress. On the flip side, there are also real stresses that come along with having an abundance of money and raising children. When children are raised in large homes and are never without, they can get entitlement very easily, which is challenging. When their reality is expensive homes and cars, exotic vacations and private planes, it is often challenging to raise them with strong work ethic and values.

There are issues that come with the absence of money, it brings financial stress which flows into relationship stress. On the flip side, there are also real stresses that come along with having an abundance of money and raising children. When children are raised in large homes and are never without, they can get entitlement very easily, which is challenging. When their reality is expensive homes and cars, exotic vacations and private planes, it is often challenging to raise them with strong work ethic and values.

 

 

Her's a cure:

 

 

 

On the other hand i think to get higher than 5 one must have new 'pictures' that they go and see in their life. maybe for you guys its airplane rides or boat rides or going to space, or new sport. We all have to keep it fresh, unfortunately chasing women is a huge one for me, part of identity and when in relationship once you tame that part really need to look for something else to replace that, all that energy and hunger..

Make time for your family, show love and respect to your wife, be always involved in the process of upbringing.. and everything will be ok!! good luck, man

Update.

 

We went for our 20 week ultrasound and everything looks great! (Halfway there!!!) He is growing right on track with where he should be! So thankful that things are looking good with what we went through the last time. I apologize for not replying sooner....I just wanted to say Thank You to all of you who gave the advice I asked for and shared some of your own stories with me here and outside the forum. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to do so.

 

I'm starting to feel some better about it (still scared shitless) but getting there.

 

Thank you again for all the nice comments and advice.