My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of
dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night
light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When
our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat
scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat
likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned
so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard
again.
Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be
empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out
momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes
later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing
horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.
"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I
had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried
to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so
she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her
fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard........she had better
not shite in the vegetable garden again."
The silence in the taxi was deafening.....
The only cow in a small village near Downpatrick in Ireland stopped giving milk.
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Wales.
It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and
everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd
never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull
tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Wales?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Wales”