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NEED HELP!!!!!! All Dads!!!!!!


Pretzel_Guy
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My wife and I are expecting our first child the last week of October. We found out last Friday we are having a Boy!!!! I had said I didn't care up until that point what we had as long as they were healthy, but after hearing I will have a son I am truly beyond words.

 

 

Not to bore anyone with a long story, but I didn't have a Dad growing up. Mine left my mom and I when I was 5, and sadly have only started having contact with him the last couple years. I only tell you that to say I have concerns that I won't be a good Dad, I don't really have anything to go by. I didn't have anyone around to show or teach me how to do anything really other than my mother, but she always worked a couple jobs while I was growing up to make sure we were okay.

 

Keeping this short...

 

 

I am just asking for any advice, help, knowledge or anything else you want to share that might help me ease my mind a little.

 

 

Also, I am 40 years old, so any of you who have had a child later in life, PLEASE share your experiences.

 

Thanks!

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The fact that you're genuinely concerned about being a good dad is plenty. There is no rule book or right way. CONGRATS! Enjoy your son.

 

What I do is try to do what my dad did as well as what my best friend's dads did as much as possible.

 

The biggest thing I realize is he's literally a little me so I try to treat him how I wanted to be treated as a kid while still trying to guide him and challenge him when necessary.

 

It's an amazing thing and you realize , IMO, what true love is when you have your own kid.

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I love my kids more than anything in the world. Acquisitions like cars and houses aren't even on the same planet as the love for my children.

 

When my son was born I grabbed the Gmail address for him. Every time something cool happens and we take photos or video, I send it to him with a note. When he's 16 I am going to give him the address and he will have a repository of all the notable events that have happened in his life. We've done the same for our daughter. It's an easy way to document their lives.

 

 

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I love my kids more than anything in the world. Acquisitions like cars and houses aren't even on the same planet as the love for my children.

 

When my son was born I grabbed the Gmail address for him. Every time something cool happens and we take photos or video, I send it to him with a note. When he's 16 I am going to give him the address and he will have a repository of all the notable events that have happened in his life. We've done the same for our daughter. It's an easy way to document their lives.

 

That is effing brilliant.

 

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Pretzel_Guy-

 

There is no instruction manual. I have two girls, I try to teach them manners above all else. Please and Thank you are very important to me. As is kindness/ respect, and treating people the way they want to be treated. Knock on wood, at 10 and 8, I have two very well behaved young ladies. They were disciplined when wrong, they have spent many hours in corners. They have been spanked. I still have to give them the look of death occasionally, but when I observe other kids, I sit back and feel quite blessed.

 

My nephew on the other hand = is a maniac. My sister is a bit different. If my 3 year old child ever took a swing at me.... he wouldn't be able to sit for a week.

 

Good luck! It is an amazing ride.

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Congratulations! Very exciting. Im a 42 yr old with 3 outstanding kids. They are so much more than I ever was, already. I could go on and on about this, but try not to. There is NOTHING that even comes close to being a parent. These cars, toys, speed, etc are all fun, but parenting is true joy. It's extremely hard at times, but absolutely the most rewarding thing you'll ever do in life (if you are focused on proper priorities). There is no secret sauce. We all ought to be required to take classes before having kids.

 

In your situation, just be the parent you always wanted. Think about that awhile. What grudges, disappointments, frustrations do you hold due to your situation. Don't fall into those traps. There is something magical about this. My dad had a similar situation to yours. He wasn't even close to a perfect Dad. He had his selfish years. But now with some age (73 yrs) and grandkids, he learned where his priorities are and where happiness lies. He is the Best Grandpa one could ever imagine. Now, Im better than my Dad in many ways, but not perfect. And my sons will be much better than me. It's now up to you to start that cycle for your future generations.

 

It's hard. You'll get mad, frustrated, and hurt more than you ever imagined. But those are few and far between and the good times are endless. For me, I had never been around babies. I could care less about others babies. But my babies... awesome. When its hard, it'll feel like the stage will never end. But man, my oldest daughter turned 16 a few days ago. Im BLOWN away by that. It seems like 3 yrs. ago she was a baby. And every stage is so fun. I hear people complain about teenagers. I don't get it. I having the most fun I've ever had with my teenagers. Snowboarding, motocross, yard work....Everything is better with them involved. I would say those who are complaining, are completely selfish and more worried about their time. They will regret it someday. Guaranteed. The time passes quickly.

 

The key is to ALWAYS love them no matter what. Yes, they need discipline. Kids are lacking that these days. But discipline doesn't mean "cruelty" or anger. I suck at that cause I wasn't raised that way. But if you could apply consequences with total calmness, you're kids would learn and succeed more than you could ever imagine. Kids need approval and love more than anything. I can't believe how cruel kids are these days. Social Media has created a whole new world. So kids need a safe haven (home) that they can return to EVERY SINGLE DAY to escape the world. You must create that safe haven. I grew up hating home. Don't do that. Worst thing ever and I have my own issues because of that.

 

Kids Need:

1. Love

2. Trust

3. A listening ear

4. Friend

5. Discipline/Guidelines

6. Structure

7. Self Reliance

8. Advice

 

Theres my sermon. ha

 

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I love my kids more than anything in the world. Acquisitions like cars and houses aren't even on the same planet as the love for my children.

 

When my son was born I grabbed the Gmail address for him. Every time something cool happens and we take photos or video, I send it to him with a note. When he's 16 I am going to give him the address and he will have a repository of all the notable events that have happened in his life. We've done the same for our daughter. It's an easy way to document their lives.

 

GENIUS

Man, Im late but I may have to steal your idea. My wife makes a very cool photo book every single year on shutterfly for each child and gives it to them on their bday. 2 copies. 1 for us, 1 for them. One of my most valuable assets

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My wife and I are expecting our first child the last week of October. We found out last Friday we are having a Boy!!!! I had said I didn't care up until that point what we had as long as they were healthy, but after hearing I will have a son I am truly beyond words.

 

 

Not to bore anyone with a long story, but I didn't have a Dad growing up. Mine left my mom and I when I was 5, and sadly have only started having contact with him the last couple years. I only tell you that to say I have concerns that I won't be a good Dad, I don't really have anything to go by. I didn't have anyone around to show or teach me how to do anything really other than my mother, but she always worked a couple jobs while I was growing up to make sure we were okay.

 

Keeping this short...

 

 

I am just asking for any advice, help, knowledge or anything else you want to share that might help me ease my mind a little.

 

 

Also, I am 40 years old, so any of you who have had a child later in life, PLEASE share your experiences.

 

Thanks!

 

First of all CONGRATULATIONS!

 

I'll second what Assman said, the fact that you're concerned says you have nothing to worry about. Thinking back to the fond memories of my childhood, mostly involving my grandparents, the best things in life really were almost free. Just the interaction, messing around in the garage, going on walks, knowing they genuinely care about you and have an interest in your life.

 

The best thing I learned from my grandfather was how to work hard, be dedicated, and follow things through to the end. Instill that in your son and he will prosper.

 

I'm also curious to hear from people who had kids later in life. Wife and I are 36 with no kids, but the discussion is coming up more often. It scares her more than it does me.

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I was 36 when my son was born and 41 when my daughter arrived. There is nothing better in life than being a parent. It trumps everything else. You don't need instructions to succeed at this and everything will fall into place. I was so naïve and freaked out when our son was born, I asked the nurse "how will we know when he is sick?". She calmly answered "you'll know". She was right. They are your blood, and the bond is strong. Congratulations!!

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Congrats!!!!

 

I am 39 and think about the same things, but chances are it will not happen for me - so in a way I envy your concerns!

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Being a dad is unlike anything else IMO. As cliche as it sounds, your life changes the day you become a parent.

 

As others have mentioned, that you have seeking advice and have concern about how you will act shows your character. Being a good person is pretty much the easiest thing in the world, and that is all you have to do to show your kid what a good role model looks like.

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These are the things I am wanting to hear. Thank you so much for all the replies so quickly! Porter's idea with the email is brilliant (thank you for that, I will be using it).

 

 

Please continue, especially you guys that got a late start on this like myself.

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Pretzel_guy.. my son will be eight soon and being a father has been the most rewarding role of my life. Most important thing is just being there. This post says you want to be there and shows you want to be there that's all it takes. All the other stuff is just icing on top but just showing up for him putting the time in and being there is what makes the difference. He'll remember you teaching him and showing him and interacting with him far more than anything that can be purchased for him.

Coaching his ball teams each season has been wonderful giving us extra time together. To be able to help him and the other players grow and learn the game has been so rewarding and he tells me constantly how much it means to him that I coach him and I'm at every game. Just be there and you'll do great. Congrats!

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I love my kids more than anything in the world. Acquisitions like cars and houses aren't even on the same planet as the love for my children.

 

When my son was born I grabbed the Gmail address for him. Every time something cool happens and we take photos or video, I send it to him with a note. When he's 16 I am going to give him the address and he will have a repository of all the notable events that have happened in his life. We've done the same for our daughter. It's an easy way to document their lives.

 

Very cool idea!!

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I love my kids more than anything in the world. Acquisitions like cars and houses aren't even on the same planet as the love for my children.

 

When my son was born I grabbed the Gmail address for him. Every time something cool happens and we take photos or video, I send it to him with a note. When he's 16 I am going to give him the address and he will have a repository of all the notable events that have happened in his life. We've done the same for our daughter. It's an easy way to document their lives.

 

That's such a brilliant idea :turboalex:

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Congrats Pretzel_Guy. 37 now, my daughter (1st kid) was born last July. I will echo others, the fact that you are asking for advice is a great start to being a parent. I steal ideas from everyone I know that I consider to be a good parent. You will quickly figure out by the behavior of the kids of your friends/relatives/co-worker, who has a good grasp on parenting. Kids aren't out of control maniacs because of Facebook or the internet, it is 100% on the parents.

 

I think just being present with them is a lot of the difference between good parents and bad parents. Whether it is reading, playing, talking, singing songs, or just holding them when they nap. My favorite thing is to get up with my daughter on the weekends and let my wife sleep in. It is great bonding time for my daughter and I, as a bonus it gets my wife some much deserved rest. I do the same thing at night with bath time, my wife gets a break after all day with the baby and I get one on one quality time playing in the water which my daughter absolutely loves. Just seeing my daughter take in the world around her is amazing to experience. A lot of things we don't even acknowledge in our surroundings are all new and exciting to our little ones.

 

I love my kids more than anything in the world. Acquisitions like cars and houses aren't even on the same planet as the love for my children.

 

When my son was born I grabbed the Gmail address for him. Every time something cool happens and we take photos or video, I send it to him with a note. When he's 16 I am going to give him the address and he will have a repository of all the notable events that have happened in his life. We've done the same for our daughter. It's an easy way to document their lives.

 

Best idea I have heard, thanks for sharing. My daughter now has a gmail account.

 

 

 

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Congrats, and welcome to the soon to be best day of your life - when your baby is born!!!

I've got 4 little ones (now not so little), and it is a roller coaster ride of fun!.....exhausting, but they say the funniest things!

No manual, as others have mentioned, just teach good principles and respect.

 

I kind of do what Porter did, but started late with my last child....in my iphone "notes" section, I just document dates and thoughts and milestones to keep record....will email it all to my daughter when she grows up.

 

Funny every time I had a child born, for some reason I went out and bought a car lol.....

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They really don't remember things earlier than 4-5 years of age... I mean at 4 my little bean remembered everything from 1 years old to 4 years old... but at about 5 he seems to have lost those memories ... now at 11 he lost more of the memories.. all that freaking time and energy and he really doesn't remember..

 

was it a waste... Concubine says ... "we gave that fukin fat retard 1/2 of our free time and for what... so he can most likely never appreciate us and eventually lie to us and ... " she actually "I'm being serious" says if given the chance she would not have been mommy to anyone and she says she is the most honest person about that and that she is .... the only one who tells it the way it is.

 

I would say something similar but I would add "that being Dad is a form of self expression that you must experience at some time in your life... it will enlarge you ... and define you"

 

that being said ... no regrets and my little beans only memory from his toddler days was his babysitter Sookie ....

He never had a babysitter named sookie

 

I think he must be thinking of one of the nice Asian girls that would come to spend time with me (2-3 of them at a time) on certain weekend nights and when he would wake up ... I probably sent one of them to his room to ... Shut that fukin kid up. at that rate ... little mans babysitters were $750.00 an hour and I guess at least he remembers them being nice to him

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was it a waste... Concubine says ... "we gave that fukin fat retard 1/2 of our free time and for what... so he can most likely never appreciate us and eventually lie to us and ... " she actually "I'm being serious" says if given the chance she would not have been mommy to anyone and she says she is the most honest person about that and that she is .... the only one who tells it the way it is.

What the fcuk..

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They really don't remember things earlier than 4-5 years of age... I mean at 4 my little bean remembered everything from 1 years old to 4 years old... but at about 5 he seems to have lost those memories ...

Maybe you can start a Gmail account and forward him this post so he sees it when he turns 16. I would think as a lawyer you would realize in this age of people calling child protective services for spanking and leaving negative business reviews you might realize calling your kid a fat retarded beaner and bragging about hooker babysitters was a bad idea. Congrats on the most deplorable post in the history of LP.

 

Pretzel Guy, great news and happy for you. Sorry this nonsense had to distract from an otherwise awesome thread.

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They really don't remember things earlier than 4-5 years of age... I mean at 4 my little bean remembered everything from 1 years old to 4 years old... but at about 5 he seems to have lost those memories ... now at 11 he lost more of the memories.. all that freaking time and energy and he really doesn't remember..

 

was it a waste... Concubine says ... "we gave that fukin fat retard 1/2 of our free time and for what... so he can most likely never appreciate us and eventually lie to us and ... " she actually "I'm being serious" says if given the chance she would not have been mommy to anyone and she says she is the most honest person about that and that she is .... the only one who tells it the way it is.

 

I would say something similar but I would add "that being Dad is a form of self expression that you must experience at some time in your life... it will enlarge you ... and define you"

 

that being said ... no regrets and my little beans only memory from his toddler days was his babysitter Sookie ....

He never had a babysitter named sookie

 

I think he must be thinking of one of the nice Asian girls that would come to spend time with me (2-3 of them at a time) on certain weekend nights and when he would wake up ... I probably sent one of them to his room to ... Shut that fukin kid up. at that rate ... little mans babysitters were $750.00 an hour and I guess at least he remembers them being nice to him

 

Imagine that, a kid whose father spent more time with hookers and making sure he was the start of gold rush and the center of everyone's attention with his platinum Lambo and making ridiculous posts about how awesome he is didn't turn out the way you wanted him to. Would've never guessed that.

 

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Maybe you can start a Gmail account and forward him this post so he sees it when he turns 16. I would think as a lawyer you would realize in this age of people calling child protective services for spanking and leaving negative business reviews you might realize calling your kid a fat retarded beaner and bragging about hooker babysitters was a bad idea. Congrats on the most deplorable post in the history of LP.

 

Pretzel Guy, great news and happy for you. Sorry this nonsense had to distract from an otherwise awesome thread.

 

 

No worries. I did ask for anything anyone wanted to share......Besides, there's nothing anyone can say that's gonna take the smile off my face!

 

No back and forth....let's get this back on track please. I really appreciate all the positive feedback I'm getting from you Dad's!

 

Keep them coming!

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Congrats, the email is a great idea. I did the same thing after someone told me about it earlier this year. I would advise just to be more patient. If he is crying or cranky he either is hungry or needs to be changed(or both lol)

 

It will be the best day of your life!

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First off, huge congrats Pretzel_Guy.

 

I did not realize that are so many passionate dads here on LP; deep down, you guys are all softies :icon_mrgreen: ; but that of course is a great thing. Kudos to you all. :turboalex:

 

I'll add this:

 

Keep in mind that he never asked to be born, you and your significant other created him. Therefore, it is you and her responsibility to provide to him; at least during his childhood, the proper rearing, education, understanding, tolerance, encouragement and support. He may not realize, understand and appreciate all those but eventually he will. Don't just focus on the child only, your significant others would need just as much if not more support and understanding from you as well. Often, the child could be the catalyst for disagreement and even argument so you will need a mutual game plan that works for the both of you on the child rearing.

 

Take photos. In today's digital age, it's easy and there's no need to "finish the roll before it expires". If situation allows it, do a once-a-week photo. It really isn't that difficult and much; only 52 photos for the entire year. Guarantee you will get emotional when you look back to those photos in a few years.

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When dating my ex-girlfriend (now wife - of 33 years!) I realized how much I heard her parents tell their three kids the most important 3 words a kid can hear from a parent - "I love you!"

 

I didn't hear it much - actually almost never - from my own Mom or Dad. Once we had our kids - I made the extra effort to use those 3 words every day possible.

 

My son and daughter are the most important things on this earth to me, right next to my wife. And they all three know it.

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