Iphone 4.1.0.3.s.q

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Meanwhile the perfectly excellent Daily Mash

 

Apple stores covered in jizz

 

BRITAIN'S bodily fluid cleaners have been working overtime after the launch date for the iPhone 5 was announced.

 

It's like painting the Forth Bridge

Muscly-thumbed throngs crowded against Apple temples to hump the window until reaching a Krakatoan fountain of climax in anticipation of the very-slightly-different rectangle that will cost more than your first car.

 

Apple worker Julian Cook said: "I've been busying myself in the stockroom all day as the shop window looks like somebody slowly shaking a jar of pickled octopus. Some of them have been drawing lovehearts in the sticky mess.

 

"They've been there since about four seconds after the launch date was announced. It's like if the zombies in Dawn Of The Dead didn't have an insatiable appetite for brains, but were just really, really horny."

 

IPhone host body Wayne Hayes has been stood outside the Gateshead Apple store for 18 hours, slapping the window with his penis and making keening noises whilst stood next to the shattered remains of his phone.

 

He said: "iPhone 4 shit now. Want iPhone 5. Where iPhone 5? Oooooo. Oooooooooo. Oo."

Details of the features and design of the new iPhone have yet to be released but many expect it to be a phone, for fcuk's sake.

 

And while the new shiny thing is expected to earn Apple all the money that is left, the profits will be offset by the cost of removing the crusty patina of geekjuice from more than 400 stores worldwide.

 

Cleaner Janet Thompson said: "I don't know if you've ever tried to de-spooge a wireless keyboard. It gets everywhere."

LOL at above, nice TestShoot.

 

If it winds up being just a "4S", which is the rumor (S = slightly upgraded iPhone 4) then I'll pass.

 

But if it's a true replacement model, a full "5", with all the changes that come with that, then I'll upgrade from my 4.

 

Either way the shit will be nearly impossible to get the first 30-60 days unless you want to stalk your Apple store...which I don't. Especially going into the holidays as this launch is late.

 

 

I'll

Get one because my 3GS is antiquated. Thing is this one may not have a proper 4g chip.

Apparently the big news is... voice control!

 

Just like my dad's 6 year old Sony-Ericsson.

I want a new phone so this better be a major release. I can't go for more than a year, it's killing me!

Have they announced what carriers will have it? I'm assuming it is contract only? I wish Apple would sell unlocked phones to developers.

I am Just pissed off the phone will end up costing more than one of their laptops over the course of the contract and yet battery life will still be less than a day.

My 3GS has to be charged twice a day now!

 

I sometimes long for the nokia days when they would last a week without charge.

Oct 4th is the day it seems and according to http://9to5mac.com/2011/09/26/the-new-iphone/

 

If you crack open the casing of the new iPhone, you will find significant upgrades from the iPhone 4. The new iPhone features Apple’s dual-core A5 processor like the iPad 2 for even faster performance, better gaming, and drastically improved graphics. Apple didn’t stop there though. Unlike the iPad 2, the new iPhone packs 1GB of RAM, according to a source familiar with the SOC’s manufacturing. That not only means better web browsing, but more importantly, new background tasks that Apple will introduce in the new iPhone’s software will perform much better.

 

The new iPhone will also feature an upgraded camera system. In terms of hardware, the new camera is an 8 megapixel sensor that takes incredibly high-resolution and clear shots, even in low light conditions because it has a backlit sensor. Also, panorama photography references have been found in the iOS SDK on multiple occasions which means we’ll likely see that feature. Other than that, the camera front-end system is reportedly mostly the same.

 

The new iPhone also contains Qualcomm Gobi Baseband chips that allow it to operate on both GSM and CDMA networks. We can’t yet confirm or deny the rumors that Apple was building a virtual SIM card system or if it has an NFC chip yet, however.

 

Although some may be happy with the new iPhone’s substantial internal hardware boosts, the new device’s biggest selling point is actually a software feature called Assistant. As we first revealed, Assistant is Apple’s Siri-inspired, system-wide voice navigation system. It so far appears that iPhone 4 and iPhone 3GS users will be left out in the fun, unfortunately, because the feature requires the A5 CPU and additional RAM.

 

From what we’ve heard, the Siri-based Assistant is described as the biggest game changer in this year’s iPhone. The system is the evolution of the Voice Control function that was introduced alongside the iPhone 3GS in 2009 and it is the fruit of Apple’s purchase of Siri last year.

 

How it works:

 

To activate, the user holds down the home button for a couple of seconds (loads much quicker than Voice Control because of the A5 chip/RAM) and then the microphone interface “slides up” from the bottom in a clever animation. The speech interface doesn’t cover your entire view, just about the bottom fourth of the display – like the multitasking/app-switcher function. The feature even works from the lock screen.

 

As a disclaimer, we must note that the software was not finalized when the details were provided, so some features may change in the shipping version.

 

Since there are so few direct commands with Voice Control, Apple slides the command options by on a waveform. Assistant is packed with seemingly endless possibilities, so Apple instead has a small “info” button which one can click to view some of the most commonly spoken commands. This command view not only shows command types, but actually provides some sample phrases; Apple obviously wants their implementation to be as intuitive as possible. In the middle of the Assistant interface – next to the small command samples button – is a silver microphone icon with an orbiting purple flare. The flare notes that your iPhone is ready to receive commands.

 

Assistant taps into many aspects of the iPhone, according to people familiar with the feature and SDK findings. For example, one can say make appointment with Mark Gurman for 7:30 PM and Assistant will create the appointment in the user’s calendar. On noting events, Assistant also allows users to set reminders for the iOS 5 Reminders application. For example, a user could say “remind me to buy milk when I arrive at the market.” Another example would be integration with the iOS Maps application. A user could ask: “how do I get to Staples Center?” and Assistant will use the user’s current location via GPS and provide directions.

 

Another interesting Assistant feature is the ability to create and send an SMS or iMessage with just your voice. For example, you can say “send a text to Mark saying I’ll be running late to lunch!” – and it will send. This is a super compelling feature for people who cannot physically or safely take the time to type out a text message. Users can also choose to have Assistant read back unsent text messages to ensure the system interpreted the speech correctly. If the text is written correctly, the user simply says “yes;” if not the user says “no” and Assistant will ask the user to speak again. Apple is also working to allow users to ask for a specific song to be played. Voice Control only allows albums, artists, and playlists to be chosen with your voice.

 

One of the key elements of Assistant is the conversation view. The system will actually speak back and forth with the user to gain the most information in order to provide the best results. The user essentially can hold a conversation with their iPhone like it is another human being. For example, if a user is making a meeting with me, they will say “setup meeting with Mark” and the first “bubble” of the conversation thread will say that. After that, the system will speak back: “which e-mail address should Mark be notified at, work or personal?” This question will both be spoken out loud by the iPhone Assistant and shown as a new “bubble” in the conversation thread. The user will then respond with the email address they want to notify me at, and the appointment will be made. The iPhone will even show a quick glance at a calendar view to confirm the appointment. If the Assistant was sending an SMS, as another example, a mini SMS view would appear so the user has a quick glance at the SMS thread.

 

Assistant is literally like a personal assistant, but in your phone. The speech interpretation is so accurate that users do not even have to speak very clearly or in a slow and robotic tone, according to a source familiar with the software. Users can simply talk how they would usually talk to another person, and the iPhone with Assistant will do its best to interpret the speech and provide accurate results.

 

Another compelling feature relating to Assistant is “Find my Friends.” Yes, Find my Friends is real and Apple may have been waiting on Assistant integration to release it into the wild. Basically, if a friend of mine wants to instantly know where I am, they could say “where’s Mark?” and Assistant will locate me and share my location information. Of course, there will be privacy settings for this as we previously revealed.

 

Perhaps the coolest aspect of Assistant is its integration with Wolfram Alpha. For those unfamiliar with Wolfram Alpha, it is an online computational knowledge system. With its integration into the new iPhone and Assistant, one could essentially ask their iPhone facts or questions of all types and get an instant response. For example, you can ask your iPhone a math problem or ask how many feet are there in 12.75 meters, and get an instant answer. The whole idea of having an infinite amount of information at the sound of your voice is unbelievably convenient and powerful.

 

 

 

In addition to Assistant, the new iPhone features Nuance speech-to-text integration, formally called “Dictation,” according to a mobile carrier source familiar with the feature’s extended testing. As expected, the user just taps the microphone icon, speaks, and the speech becomes text. This happens in less than a second in most cases and is unbelievably accurate. The interface for this is also said to be remarkably simple and blends into the design of the iOS 5 Messages application.

 

Going back to the hardware design, we’re hesitant to jump to conclusions at this point, but we do know that these next-generation iPhones are definitely floating around with shells that look identical to the iPhone 4. Because a report claimed that Apple is stuffing next-generation guts into iPhone 4 casings to throw off leaks, we don’t want to affirm that the new iPhone retains the iPhone 4 design. In addition, a new design has been rumored based on recent “iPhone 5″ case leaks.

 

In any case, expect Assistant, 1GB of RAM, the dual-core A5 processor, Nuance speech-to-text, and an 8 megapixel camera to make an incredible iPhone upgrade on October 4th.

 

I am Just pissed off the phone will end up costing more than one of their laptops over the course of the contract and yet battery life will still be less than a day.

My 3GS has to be charged twice a day now!

 

I sometimes long for the nokia days when they would last a week without charge.

 

are you one of those nuts that counts the cost of their cell service as the cost of the phone?

 

stop doing that!!!!! T

 

he cost of the service is not part of the cost of the phone. Yes they are related but so is the price of your car and the cost of the gas you use over the years.

are you one of those nuts that counts the cost of their cell service as the cost of the phone?

 

stop doing that!!!!! T

 

he cost of the service is not part of the cost of the phone. Yes they are related but so is the price of your car and the cost of the gas you use over the years.

 

That has to be the worst analogy I've seen in a long time. The price of the phone is subsidized by the contract you sign up for. When I bought my last iPhone 4 the price I paid for the phone depended on which contract I chose. The more expensive monthly payments for my service the lower the cost of the phone was.

are you one of those nuts that counts the cost of their cell service as the cost of the phone?

 

stop doing that!!!!! T

 

he cost of the service is not part of the cost of the phone. Yes they are related but so is the price of your car and the cost of the gas you use over the years.

When your monthly cost is determined by your initial outlay it is not the cost of the service it is the cost of the phone.

 

Hope this helps.

 

And your car analogy needs work. If you ignore the insurance, "gas" and servicing costs when buying a car then you have all the financial sense of that tramp that lives under the railway bridge and wipes his arse with the brown bags that hamburgers and fries are served in.

I heard from a Verizon friend that it's not going to be 4g?

 

 

bought www.getiphone5case.com don't know much about running online biz but may be there is some money in just linking to amazon via affiliate

be very surprised if it supports 4G/LTE, thats the next iphone i'm gonna upgrade to.

I heard from a Verizon friend that it's not going to be 4g?

 

 

bought www.getiphone5case.com don't know much about running online biz but may be there is some money in just linking to amazon via affiliate

dont expect it to be 4g, system isn't rolled out enough i don think for apple to jump on it right now when theres no rush.

around my office its like the second coming of christ.

That has to be the worst analogy I've seen in a long time. The price of the phone is subsidized by the contract you sign up for. When I bought my last iPhone 4 the price I paid for the phone depended on which contract I chose. The more expensive monthly payments for my service the lower the cost of the phone was.

 

if you have to worry about the initial cost of a Iphone and the monthly costs you don't make enough money. Judging by the cars in your sig you make enough money. Don't worry about the small stuff.

I love how when the battery dies you plug it in AND STILL HAVE TO WAIT 5 MINUTES for it to wake the fcuk up.

 

I scream fcuk Jobs skinny ass every time.

 

 

 

 

Speaking of ..

 

my friend just left his ipad on top of his car..and drove off:

 

 

I will only get it if it looks different from the Iphone4... otherwise no thank you..

 

That comic is so right! I always feel like that with my ipads and iphones and ipods...

if you have to worry about the initial cost of a Iphone and the monthly costs you don't make enough money. Judging by the cars in your sig you make enough money. Don't worry about the small stuff.

Hmmm it seems Apple products really do bring the worst out of people.

 

The complaint is the cost. It doesn't matter what you earn, value is still value.

 

 

When you look at what they actually do as a phone, what functions they do, the specification of the phone and then compare phones pre iPhone days and then compare the cost.

 

I think they are amazingly overpriced and this is backed up by the profits they post every 1/4.

I know quite a few people that are exceedingly wealthy and will not touch a iPhone because they don't conceive them as being something that represents value but something that gets certain people all unnecessary sweaty and frothy.

So for a business expense which you develop items for, like any investment you have to measure the profit return against the outlay.

 

It is a phone, so should be priced and treated like so, not something that is so awesome that it will change the colour of your faeces like apple fanbois will have you believe.

I'm much mored interested in iOS 5, I know it's been in the Dev's hands for a while now, but that alone should held out many people.

Apple products are like organic foods, their target demographics are for:

 

 

A. poor people who are stupid and trying to impress somebody

B. middle-class people who hate themselves

C wealthy people who have so much money it doesn't matter

 

I mean sure they may look or taste 5% better, but they cost 20% more!

 

BTW, I can't wait until I can afford to be in category C, but would never fall into A or B until I get to C.. almost there.

if you have to worry about the initial cost of a Iphone and the monthly costs you don't make enough money. Judging by the cars in your sig you make enough money. Don't worry about the small stuff.

 

You don't know him very well. He had to sell his Ferrari 430s and TwinTurbo superleggera just to keep up with his ipod buying habit.

Apple products are like organic foods, their target demographics are for:

 

 

A. poor people who are stupid and trying to impress somebody

B. middle-class people who hate themselves

C wealthy people who have so much money it doesn't matter

 

I mean sure they may look or taste 5% better, but they cost 20% more!

 

BTW, I can't wait until I can afford to be in category C, but would never fall into A or B until I get to C.. almost there.

 

 

 

What is going on with people with "gallardo" in their name and ridiculous posts in this thread?