texts from last night

some of these are pretty funny

 

 

 

http://textsfromlastnight.com/

 

its a good waist of time

'(480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.'

 

hahaha

(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fcuk his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

 

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

 

hahahaha

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content.

I would be ok with this. haha

Good website

(908): i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less

 

 

LOL

lots a good stuff. and they are short which makes it even better.

(281): I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16

 

 

(781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

 

 

(440): planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out

(785): My students asked me if anyone has ever told me i look like Fergie...

(1-785): It's the bj lips

(785): Afterall it IS my goal to have my sophomores thinking about me and dicksucking

 

..LOL

(323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

(1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again?

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

 

 

 

(212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

 

 

 

(203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she said I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

 

 

 

303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

 

 

Great find TopC... The "Best nights of All-time" is classic.

(785): My students asked me if anyone has ever told me i look like Fergie...

(1-785): It's the bj lips

(785): Afterall it IS my goal to have my sophomores thinking about me and dicksucking

 

..LOL

 

I want to know what that teacher actually looks like and I want to know now.

(850): this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

 

hahahaha

 

 

I know there is an app for this on the iphone, not sure about the Berry.

TC, I thought these were going to be texts from the cougar with the Cady CTS that was so into (and in) your car.

TC, I thought these were going to be texts from the cougar with the Cady CTS that was so into (and in) your car.

would you believe there was an email waiting for me this morning from that lady? I dont know how she got it, but she did. Her email told me how she really likes fast cars etc, and that hse wanted to get together......and not to discuss cars. LOL

would you believe there was an email waiting for me this morning from that lady? I dont know how she got it, but she did. Her email told me how she really likes fast cars etc, and that hse wanted to get together......and not to discuss cars. LOL

OMG - you have a stalker. How the hell did she find you?

OMG - you have a stalker. How the hell did she find you?

its scary

its scary

So did you reply? Her blonde non-gold digging friend wasn't bad.

So did you reply? Her blonde non-gold digging friend wasn't bad.

no.

I want to know what that teacher actually looks like and I want to know now.

 

shit man you should have seen my sophmore year english teacher........ Fuk.

 

I'll see if I can find a pic... She was like 24 at the time. It was the best class ever LOL

no.

 

 

Check out the "best nights" and "worst nights", they're the funniest!

no.

 

No man reply, its safer.

 

say something like

 

"Yeah, it'd be cool to get together however currently Im just real busy with a shrine to Mickey Mouse made COMPLETELY out of my own toenail clippings (I been saving them in jars throughout my home for the past 5 years. Its super cool, I cant wait to show you!!!!!) but definitely sometime after Im finished. If we do go out I HAVE to be home by 7:30PM, my guild has a battle in World of Warcraft"

 

If she replies, then you've got a REAL problem on your hands

No man reply, its safer.

 

say something like

 

"Yeah, it'd be cool to get together however currently Im just real busy with a shrine to Mickey Mouse made COMPLETELY out of my own toenail clippings (I been saving them in jars throughout my home for the past 5 years. Its super cool, I cant wait to show you!!!!!) but definitely sometime after Im finished. If we do go out I HAVE to be home by 7:30PM, my guild has a battle in World of Warcraft"

 

If she replies, then you've got a REAL problem on your hands

 

 

 

So try and get rid of her by making her think you're a big loser???

 

I mean it can work but why ruin your image when you can just tell the chick you're freakin MARRIED....

 

 

 

So try and get rid of her by making her think you're a big loser???

 

I mean it can work but why ruin your image when you can just tell the chick you're freakin MARRIED....

 

Eh, that answer's too mundane. Its all about NOT caring what some gold digging girl thinks about you.... shes nobody special, 1 of millions just like her. No matter what you say, you still go home to your wife at the end of the day and that wont change. A little laugh isnt bad