GHOUL POOL 2013!!!!!

Oprah Winfrey

Russell Brand

Mariah Carey

 

Okrah- 58 year old, queen of all media and billionaire, most famous for having gained and lost five metric tons of weight over the course of the last 30 years. She has taken her empire from being recognized by One Word "Oprah" to a shorter word "Own" and finally down to one letter "O" and with each reduction in consonants, it becomes a little less successful. No known health issues other than the yo-yo weight problem. 40 pts

 

Russel Brand- 37 year old British comedian, and Weird Al Yankovich look-alike, most famous for being not very funny. A long history with alcohol and drug abuse and a general inability to control his temper, Im hoping the guy's 15 minutes are almost over now that he's proven to be a box office shitbomb. 25 pts.

 

Mariah Carey- 42 year old Soul Diva most famous because she fucked Tommy Mottola and he made her a star in return (OK... Maybe that one high note she hits thats outside the range of human hearing maybe had something to do with it as well). Reportedly had some drug and alcohol problems in the past, she is probably most famous for a nervous breakdown in 2001 where she apparently lost her mind and became a babbling idiot... She seems better now... 25 pts.

David Spade

Dustin Diamond

Andy Dick

David Spade- 48 year old SNL Alumni most famous for turning being a dick, into a thirty year comedy career. Although hes been rumored to dabble with several vice's over the years, the death of long time friend Chris Farley seemed to have shaken him up... I dont see him going anywhere. 40 points

 

Dustin Diamond- 35 year old former child star, turned bankrupt former child star, turned porn star, turned alleged ponzi-schemer. The guy is a washed up, never-was, and a general a-hole.... 25 pts.

 

Andy Dick- 47 year old bisexual comedian, and Celebrity Rehab alumni, most famous for repeated manic outbursts, where he lives up to his last name, while under the influence of drugs and alcohol... He seems like a genuinely nice guy, but anybody who repeatedly gets that fucked up when theyre 40 years old, is set up for an early death... 10 pts

 

 

 

Donald Trump

Mike Tice

Patton Oswalt

 

K-Stew

 

Donald Trump- 66 Year old Real Estate Mogul, Billionaire and life long egomaniac turned Game Show host, most famous for having the worst fcuking comb-over, EVER. No known vices, other than marrying a new model every ten years, and being addicted to saying stupid shit from time to time. I suppose there is always a chance he'll be offed by a disgruntled "Apprentice" contestant. 20 Points.

 

Patton Oswalt- 43 Year old B list stand up and hero of the "living in my mom's basement and eating Cereal for Lunch" crowd. Too fat for leading man roles, and too skinny to be in the running for "first chubby comic to live past 50" award, Im not sure where his career goes from here. 45 Pts

 

Kristen Stewart- 22 Year old actress turned home-wrecker, most famous for her vacant, expressionless affect, and mumbling her way through a half dozen really shitty vampire romances. A hero to homely, depressed, teenage girls with no personalities, who thanks to her believe there is still a chance for them to hook up with a hot guy (although, he has to be 100 years old, and technically dead, beggers can't be choosers, right?). Most likely to be shot by a pissed off wife. 40 Pts.

Wayne Newton

Alex Trebek

Hugh Hefner

 

 

Mr. Las Vegas- 70 year old king of the Vegas Lounge Act, turned plastic surgery addict, most famous for being the longest running one hit wonder in recorded history. The guy has made billions of dollars over the years, and apparently has pissed it away on botox, airplanes he cant afford to fly, and horses he cant afford to feed. On his second bankruptcy and hit particularly hard by the downturn in Vegas, the guy is reported to be on his last leg financially, with his 40 acre home, "Shenendoah" ordered to be sold by a bankruptcy Court last week... Seriously... Wayne.... How long did you think you could ride DANKE SHAOEN??? - 10 Pts.

 

Alex Trabek- 72 Year old quizmaster, most famous for shaving his mustache and for pretending he would have known the right answer to "The Atomic weight of Cesium" without it being written on the card in front of him, when he informs a contestant they got the answer wrong in the smug, demeaning manner, he has cultivated to an art form over the last 40 years. On his second heart attack in as many years... 5 pts

 

Hugh Hefner- 86 year old Porn Empire Mogul and cradle robber, most famous for being on a Viagra IV for the last 5 years... How can you say anything mean about a guy who's about to get married (for the 18th time) next week? 5 pts.

Hugh Hefner

Lil Wayne

Bernard Madoff

 

The Hef- 5Pts

 

Dwayne Carter- 30 Year old Rapper and ex-con, most famous for his teeth, and severe brain damage from years of substance abuse. Run-ins with the law for drugs and guns, he's more flash than fire. 20 Pts

 

Bernie Madoff- 74 year old Ponzi Scheme mastermind, and permanent guest of the Four Seasons, Butner, the guy has fcuking DESTROYED everybody around him... His 67 year old brother just got convicted ten years, his son killed himself, and of course the victims who were wiped out by this asshole. Since his incarceration, he was damned near beaten to death by other inmates, and he has tried to off himself a couple of times since the crime was discovered... 5 pts.

 

Peter O'Toole

 

Chuck Norris

 

Enrique Iglesias

Michael Douglas

 

OJ Simpson

 

Sheldon Adelson

Michael Madsen

 

 

Jerry Lee Lewis

 

 

Ozzy Osbourne

Paris Hilton

John Travolta

Bill O'Reilly

 

Paris Hilton- 31 year old heiress, and socialite, most famous for making the reputation of Hilton, trashier than Motel Six. A former member of the 4 Bimbos of the Apocalypse, she seems to have turned a corner in her life.... Multiple arrests for DUI and Drug possession. 34 pts

 

John Travolta- 58 Year old teen heartthrob currently in the running to de-throne Tom Cruise as the creepiest Scientologist... Rumors that he frequents gay massage parlors, and the years have not been kind to the other Sweathogs... 15 Pts.

 

Bill O'Reilly- 63 year old talking head and blowhard, most famous for screaming "DO IT LIVE!" and taking Fox News to the top of the Cable News ratings. No known health issues- 25 pts.

Dolph Lundgren

 

Liam Neeson

 

Jean Claude Van Damme

Mickey Rourke

 

Sean Connery

 

Bruce Willis

Madonna

Muhammad Ali

Morgan Freeman

 

Madonna- 54 year old pop diva most famous for successfully reinventing herself every 18 months for the last 30 years. Now pretending to be a pretentious Brit, complete with phony accent, her recent concerts have been critical flops. Just the same, she is an excercise machine.... 45 Pts

 

Muhammad Ali- 70 year old Former Heavyweight Boxing champ and greatest athlete of all time, now a punchy, Parkinson's wracked shell of his former self... 5 pts.

 

Morgan Freeman- 75 year old academy award winning actor most famous for his tour de force performance on the Electric Company, and for thinking everybody else gives a shit about what he thinks on every subject under the sun... 15 pts.

Paul allen

 

John voight

 

Burton reynolds

Bernie Eccelstone

 

Mary Kate Olsen

 

Charlie Sheen

 

Jack Nicholson

 

Roger Moore

 

Tommy Lee Jones

Richard Simmons

Courtney Love

Danny Bonaduce

 

Richard Simmons- 64 year old gay weight loss guru most famous for wearing shorts that allow his testicles to hang out the bottom and for acting like he's high on diet pills for 30 straight years. 25 pts

 

Courtney Love- 48 year old Punk Groupie, turned actress, turned grunge groupie, turned short lived rock star, turned actress, turned heroin addict, turned mom of the year, most famous for causing Kurt Cobain to kill himself. Long history of Heroin and other substance addictions... 15 Pts

 

Danny Bonaduce- 53 year old Child star, most famous for returning from twenty years of obscurity by being arrested for beating up a transvestite hooker... Guess what.... That was 20 years ago... A long history of arrests for his inability to control his temper and his heavy drug use, his personal life is almost as big of a train wreck as his Post Partridge career. 10 Pts.

I don't think any of these will actually die next year but if they do I want a prize:

 

Perez Hilton

 

Kim Kardashian

 

Kanye West

I don't think any of these will actually die next year but if they do I want a prize:

 

Perez Hilton

 

Kim Kardashian

 

Kanye West

 

Them dying would be prize enough for me.....and now for my picks, taking one from you

 

Lindsey Lohan

 

Jack Nicholson

 

Kanye West

Sean Connery

Annette Funicello

Al Molinaro

 

And the one sure candidate: The US economy

Wonderfully disturbing concept:

 

Ashton Kutcher

Kathy Griffin

Whoopi Goldberg

Al Pacino

 

Suge Knight

 

Dina Lohan

Lindsay Lohan

Sarah Jessica Parker

Donald Trump

 

Its LINDSEY!- 15 Pts

 

 

 

Sarah Jessica Parker Stevenson Ranch Dressing- 47 Year old actress most famous for her tour de force break out roll in "Square Pegs", a gritty look at the dirty underside of the Valley Girl movement and for fcuking Ferris Bueller.... 50 incredibly self abosrbed pts

 

 

The Donald- 20 Pts

Fidel Castro

Michael J Fox

David Bowie

 

Fidel Fidel- 86 year old communist dictator most famous for being in power longer than 11 U.S. Presidents. Dead since 2009, he is occasionally reanimated by his brother who props him up with a hand up his ass and makes his mouth move like a macabre Vaudeville Act. 5 Pts.

 

Michael J Fox- 51 Year old actor turned perpetual 2.1 earthquake, most famous for playing a teenager for the first 45 years of his career. Long sufferer of Parkinson's, I suspect he's going to long suffer a long while more... 15 pts.

 

David Bowie- 65 year old ambiguously gay Glam Rock Star, most famous trading his fame for sexual encounters with Mick Jagger, Lou Reed, and the rest of the 1970's party boys... Recently becoming a hermit, fears about declining health have been rampant for a while... On a personal note, he is absolutely one of the SMARTEST Businessmen in the Music industry.... 10 pts.

Rihanna

Emilio Estevez

Dolly Parton

 

Robyn Fenty- 24 Year old R&B diva turned punching bag most famous for being half naked for the last 6 years. Ironically voted "most likely to get killed by a rap star in a rented Lamborghini" by her High School Classmates, she appears to be drawn to this asshole like a moth to RAID. 35 pts

 

Emilio Esteves- 50 year old actor most famous for being Charlie Sheen's less interesting brother, and Paula Abdul's ex wife.... He doesnt seem to have any of the colorful foibles that his brother does, but that means he's probably going to outlive him by about two decades.... 40 Pts

 

Dolly Parton- 66 Year old human flotation device and plastic surgery addict most famous her enormous jugs, gigantic wigs, and increasingly jokeresque lips... Having parlayed her music and TV fame into a successful boob themed amusement park in Tennessee, she now has enough money to fulfill her lifelong dream..... 78ZZ. 33 pts (see what I did there??? Threes look like BOOBS on their side!)

Michael Douglas

 

Lindsay Lohan

 

Amanda Bynes

 

 

Michael Douglas- 68 Year old actor most famous for being the ne'er-do-well brother of the late, great. Eric Douglas... A long time drinker and smoker and now throat cancer survivor, his fatal attraction may come sooner than his father's... 5 pts.

 

Lindsey- 15 Pts

 

Amanda Bynes- 26 year old tween star most famous for.... Yeah... Um... I drawing a fcuking blank here guys.... Who the fcuk is this bimbo? Christ... I've taken dumps that are more famous than her... Anyway, looks like she has a think for drinking, driving, and crashing into shit, so, her fame is sure to explode from here on out... A relatively obscure 30 pts.