Did anyone here decide to never have children?

 

I didn't want kids until I found the woman that changed everything for me. I LOVE being a dad.

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I didn't want kids until I found the woman that changed everything for me. I LOVE being a dad.

 

 

Cute kids!

 

 

I was never that into kids but wish I had mine earlier looking back.

 

Yes they are a pain in the ass and they take away the ability to do other cool stuff you might do but there is nothing in the world that can give you the joy you get from the pure laughter of your child. It is truly priceless. Not even the wail of a Lambo V12 comes close.

 

My wife and I also looked at having children for a somewhat selfish reason. We see our parents aging and find ourselves helping them out more and more. We are counting on our children doing the same for us down the road.

 

Honestly, kids make life fun again. Boring things are interesting. Old things are new. It gives you a fresh perspective and more enthusiasm for life...at least in my experience.

 

Ok time for a nap. They wear you out.

My wife and I also looked at having children for a somewhat selfish reason. We see our parents aging and find ourselves helping them out more and more. We are counting on our children doing the same for us down the road

No guarantee the kids will step up. You raise em right but maybe they move far away or maybe they simply don't do the right thing or aren't capable. I know what you mean but just because you have kids doesn't mean you can count on them to take care of you when you need it.

 

Reflecting back, I can't fcuking imagine having a kid when I was 25, or even 30, I feel like I could barely keep myself from fcuking things up too bad let alone a mini-me.

 

I know of people from high school who have kids that are now in high school... And here I am, with a moderate level of success and still wondering if we have enough $$ to raise kids properly and give them the best chance at life. How fucked up is that.

 

I also find it interesting (and not surprising) that a group of high achievers waited till later in life to have kids. That has to be more than a passing coincidence.

 

 

Agree with everything you wrote, especially the bolded!

 

 

My wife and I also looked at having children for a somewhat selfish reason. We see our parents aging and find ourselves helping them out more and more. We are counting on our children doing the same for us down the road.

 

No offense, but IMO that's a horrible reason for having children. People should not have to take care of their parents as they age unless they want to.

No offense, but IMO that's a horrible reason for having children. People should not have to take care of their parents as they age unless they want to.

 

So you should just let the people that brought you into the world and raised you live a life of hardship as their minds and bodies break down? I appreciate what my parents have done for me all the years so it is the least I can do to look out for them when they now need me. Is it always easy? No. Does it sometimes get in the way of fun stuff I could do? Yes. Can my mom handle my father who has Alzheimer's plus everything around the house on her own? Nope. So I have to step up...just like I do when taking care of my kids

 

Hopefully our children will have some appreciation for what we have done for them and feel like they want to help us as well. No guarantee but if we raise them well, I don't think it will be an issue for them to care for other people besides themselves.

This. At least IMO, they're my reason for living.

 

This! There is NOTHING which gives me more happiness than my children, absolutely nothing!

So you should just let the people that brought you into the world and raised you live a life of hardship as their minds and bodies break down? I appreciate what my parents have done for me all the years so it is the least I can do to look out for them when they now need me. Is it always easy? No. Does it sometimes get in the way of fun stuff I could do? Yes. Can my mom handle my father who has Alzheimer's plus everything around the house on her own? Nope. So I have to step up...just like I do when taking care of my kids

 

You're not getting what I'm saying. If you love your parents and they need your help for such reasons, then yes you should help them, but no one should have children with one of the reasons for having them being that they will care for the person/people as they age. No one should have children with the expectation that the children will just help them as they age. You should not become a burden on your children unless you absolutely have no choice.

Never wanted a kid as my life was all about business. There was a ton of family/in-law pressure but I knew if there were days I refused to walk my dog because I was immersed in building a company I would be unfit to be a parent. I told myself that I wouldn't have one unless I was ready. That meant I would be there to watch the child grow vs growing a company. And due to being somewhat selfish by nature I choose to build a company.

 

Then two things happened. First, I realized I could have both. That was to both raise a kid and a company successfully at the same time. Having to choose one over the other was silly.

 

Second, I read a post on lambopower of all places that said something along the lines of "the time is never going to be right. You just have one and love the shit out of them.

 

Fast forward to 2015 and I had a son (deliberately). It has been one of the best things to happen to me. Timing was perfect. I built a new office and carved out a daycare for him. We have a FT nanny and he's been part of the business in many ways. My wife is there and we eat lunch together, have been there to watch his first steps, and a ton more. Where i used to think that a child would interfere with business success, he's actually 10X'd my focus and motivation.

 

Being able to do both family and business has been awesome. I've been loving every minute of balancing being a parent and CEO.

 

Axl @10months at the office

 

Here's a future CEO

 

Work and family blended

 

 

 

Never wanted a kid as my life was all about business. There was a ton of family/in-law pressure but I knew if there were days I refused to walk my dog because I was immersed in building a company I would be unfit to be a parent. I told myself that I wouldn't have one unless I was ready. That meant I would be there to watch the child grow vs growing a company. And due to being somewhat selfish by nature I choose to build a company.

 

Then two things happened. First, I realized I could have both. That was to both raise a kid and a company successfully at the same time. Having to choose one over the other was silly.

 

Second, I read a post on lambopower of all places that said something along the lines of "the time is never going to be right. You just have one and love the shit out of them.

 

Fast forward to 2015 and I had a son (deliberately). It has been one of the best things to happen to me. Timing was perfect. I built a new office and carved out a daycare for him. We have a FT nanny and he's been part of the business in many ways. My wife is there and we eat lunch together, have been there to watch his first steps, and a ton more. Where i used to think that a child would interfere with business success, he's actually 10X'd my focus and motivation.

 

Being able to do both family and business has been awesome. I've been loving every minute of balancing being a parent and CEO.

 

That's good to know, thanks for posting. Also nice kid

 

You're not getting what I'm saying. If you love your parents and they need your help for such reasons, then yes you should help them, but no one should have children with one of the reasons for having them being that they will care for the person/people as they age. No one should have children with the expectation that the children will just help them as they age. You should not become a burden on your children unless you absolutely have no choice.

 

No one has children with the sole intention of enslaving them relax.

Never wanted a kid as my life was all about business. There was a ton of family/in-law pressure but I knew if there were days I refused to walk my dog because I was immersed in building a company I would be unfit to be a parent. I told myself that I wouldn't have one unless I was ready. That meant I would be there to watch the child grow vs growing a company. And due to being somewhat selfish by nature I choose to build a company.

 

Then two things happened. First, I realized I could have both. That was to both raise a kid and a company successfully at the same time. Having to choose one over the other was silly.

 

Second, I read a post on lambopower of all places that said something along the lines of "the time is never going to be right. You just have one and love the shit out of them.

 

Fast forward to 2015 and I had a son (deliberately). It has been one of the best things to happen to me. Timing was perfect. I built a new office and carved out a daycare for him. We have a FT nanny and he's been part of the business in many ways. My wife is there and we eat lunch together, have been there to watch his first steps, and a ton more. Where i used to think that a child would interfere with business success, he's actually 10X'd my focus and motivation.

 

Being able to do both family and business has been awesome. I've been loving every minute of balancing being a parent and CEO.

 

Axl @10months at the office

 

I was exactly in the same boat, thinking exactly like you did, never wanted children, busy with taking over the world, I think I might've said it's never the right time because that's how I felt, my wife on the other hand had different plans which she failed to share with me until she announced that she was pregnant LOL.

 

What I felt at that point is difficult to describe, I was extremely happy, I was worried, I felt pressure etc.

I shook everything off, I can handle everything this life throws at me, I am sure I can handle a child so bring it on !

 

When my daughter was born and I saw her for the first time something clicked inside me and I was a changed man, the feeling is indescribable, new dads know what I am talking about, our lives changed forever, we had a second then a third and I wouldn't change a thing, one thing I always apply with my children, they joined our lives not us theirs, we never let the fact they are with us obstruct our lifestyle, they join us everywhere if the places we go aren't suitable for children they stay at my mom's.

Having said that I HATE to be away from them.

 

Now my little one is in her first year of high school, no idea how time flew, and I am one of those in their 40's dads Porter talks about who drops the kid off every morning, sometimes in a Lambo

No one has children with the sole intention of enslaving them relax.

 

Maybe I read too deeply into Ag02M5's post and overreacted, just this issue is close to me as my grandmother did that to my mother in her later life. I always swore that if/when I have little ones, that I would never do that to them.

My wife and I have a 7 year old daughter. She means the world to us. My wife had a horrible injury during her delivery that had her couch bound for 4 years. She couldn't sit at all. Felt like a hot knife in her crotch with seering pain for 4 years. Had a couple surgeries to fix it and ended up worse. She got CRPS/RSD from the surgery. She tried ketamine infusions, they actually put her in a ketamine coma for a week and nothing seemed to work. It was a living hell. Finally had an experimental procedure to freeze a nerve in her pelvis which gave her relief. The past 3 years have been like a miracle. She is probably 95% better. I could write a book about all we have been through the and the goofy doctors we have seen. Anyway, if you ask my wife she wouldn't give our daughter back despite all of that and neither would I. My wife actually wants another child but is too afraid to chance it. It's been a big dilemma lately. We have actually discussed the option of a surrogate. Still mulling it over.

Maybe I read too deeply into Ag02M5's post and overreacted, just this issue is close to me as my grandmother did that to my mother in her later life. I always swore that if/when I have little ones, that I would never do that to them.

 

It's very likely that the children will become adults before they need to take care of their parents, if one adult abuses another adult is a matter for them to resolve, you can not order/force your children to take care of you if they don't want to if you do that makes you a colossal prick and you deserve a kick in the nuts.

 

 

I did not want to have kids at all but after my son was born, my life immediately changed so profoundly in ways I could not have imagined.

The love I have for my kids is like nothing I can explain. They are THE reason for me to live on this planet.

 

Now, mind you, I generally don't like kids, as in other peoples kids. But I love my own in such a visceral way it almost hurts. Now 14 and 11, I am trying to hang on to them as long as possible before they fly the coop.

 

I mainly did not want kids because of fear of having to finally "grow" up and the responsibiity. Those fears were unfounded.

 

Best,

Phil

No one has children with the sole intention of enslaving them relax.

 

 

Actually, not to take Wheels' side here.

 

perhaps in most first world economies this is not the case, however it basically forms some of the foundation of cultures in poorer places, i.e. some parts of Asia, Africa (possibly south america However I'm not really that knowledgeable on Latin culture beyond liking Salsa dancing) where people do have many children on the basis that they can support and help the parents. Yes I understand there are other issues at play here, such as education, religion, poverty, ignorance etc, but how often have you seen starving African children on TV needing a world vision handout along with their 5 siblings, when clearly those parents have no place to be creating offspring. Because their culture belives that the younger generation should then look after their parents as they age.

 

this in part is the point of my above post. Having children can actually be more selfish than not having them. Again not stating this as the case for those of us fortunate to be in our positions necessarily, but for possibly 80-90% of the worlds population having children is a selfish act.

No one has children with the sole intention of enslaving them relax.

 

Says you. I am building a minion army

Actually, not to take Wheels' side here.

 

perhaps in most first world economies this is not the case, however it basically forms some of the foundation of cultures in poorer places, i.e. some parts of Asia, Africa (possibly south america However I'm not really that knowledgeable on Latin culture beyond liking Salsa dancing) where people do have many children on the basis that they can support and help the parents. Yes I understand there are other issues at play here, such as education, religion, poverty, ignorance etc, but how often have you seen starving African children on TV needing a world vision handout along with their 5 siblings, when clearly those parents have no place to be creating offspring. Because their culture belives that the younger generation should then look after their parents as they age.

 

this in part is the point of my above post. Having children can actually be more selfish than not having them. Again not stating this as the case for those of us fortunate to be in our positions necessarily, but for possibly 80-90% of the worlds population having children is a selfish act.

 

So you think somebody procreates with the sole intent to use the people they create to take care of them when they are old or simply exploit them for various reasons?

The uneducated and empoverished people you are talking about above are lacking the ability of being such masterminds and there is no way that they represent 90% of our population.

They are uneducated, they do a variety of dumb things, multiplying themselves like rabbits being one of them. I don't think they do it because they are selfish, they do it because they don't know any better.

I know few radical Christian families which have a ludicrous amount of children but they aren't the norm. I talked to few of those mothers and the love for their children is just as strong.

 

When you see and experience the bond between a mother and her children (irrespective of their social status or intellect) you will realize there isn't anything selfish about it, it's a primordial feeling which is ingrained in us and the feelings are only triggered when you experience the fact.

 

I think you and wheels should take a trip around the world in order to expend your horizons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Says you. I am building a minion army

 

I hope you send the to Australia to get them educated you will save a lot

So you think somebody procreates with the sole intent to use the people they create to take care of them when they are old or simply exploit them for various reasons?

The uneducated and empoverished people you are talking about above are lacking the ability of being such masterminds and there is no way that they represent 90% of our population.

They are uneducated, they do a variety of dumb things, multiplying themselves like rabbits being one of them. I don't think they do it because they are selfish, they do it because they don't know any better.

I know few radical Christian families which have a ludicrous amount of children but they aren't the norm. I talked to few of those mothers and the love for their children is just as strong.

 

When you see and experience the bond between a mother and her children (irrespective of their social status or intellect) you will realize there isn't anything selfish about it, it's a primordial feeling which is ingrained in us and the feelings are only triggered when you experience the fact.

 

I think you and wheels should take a trip around the world in order to expend your horizons

 

 

Actually that is why they do, I've been friends with african people and had this discussion as to why people from their country whom are impovrished continue to have large families, and they have advised that it is so that they have a support network for what ever their family has (i.e. a farm) or to look after them as they age, its part of their culture.

 

that said, there are 7 billion people in the world. i'd suggest no more than 1billion live in the developed world, the majority of people on this planet do not have what we do, in fact 10% of people dont even have access to clean water, adn 2.5 billion have no access to sanitation

 

http://www.unwater.org/water-cooperation-2...and-figures/en/

 

I'm not against having children, and I'm happy for those who have them, however I feel there are far to many people who do have them that shouldnt.

It's clear that they are having children because they aren't educated,do the Africans you talked to realize that's counter productive? It obviously is and that's why I am saying they lack education on the subject.

 

I see how you came to your conclusion about the percentages, I still think that's incorrect, also not having access to clean water doesn't not make one who wants children selfish.

 

We used to have very little and my mom took care of us extremely well, she was earning $100/month working three shifts and taking care of us, could she afford us? in theory hell no, was she selfish for having us? hell no, did she get us working on the farm when we were older? hell yeah

Would I have it any other way? Definitely not!

 

We have different life experiences and come from different angles, let's just agree to disagree

This is a very fascinating thread and a great topic

 

For me I am very much in the no kids camp. I am the eldest of 4 siblings and had to do a lot to help raise the youngest 2 siblings, so I feel like I've already done a round of parenting. I'd opt for the "Cool Uncle" because growing up in close quarters I've always highly valued my personal and private space and I love peace & quite. I've worked with kids extensively, at a sports camp for 8 years in the summer and 2 years working with kids in a juvenile detention transitional facility. I'm 31 now and am very much enjoying the "rampantly single" life and all of the freedom that comes with it. I am very close with my family and friends, and for me that sublimates any need I feel to have any off spring of my own. For you current parents, I commend you, being a parent is a tough job and not enough people do it well.

 

As for me, I am very content with great friends and fast cars. For me kids are very much an extra set of expenses and restrictions (as are pets for that matter, hence why I refuse to have any of those as well) that I have no desire to endure. To each their own. I'll gladly babysit, and will return all kids fully hocked up on sugar and cartoons

It's clear that they are having children because they aren't educated,do the Africans you talked to realize that's counter productive? It obviously is and that's why I am saying they lack education on the subject.

 

I see how you came to your conclusion about the percentages, I still think that's incorrect, also not having access to clean water doesn't not make one who wants children selfish.

 

We used to have very little and my mom took care of us extremely well, she was earning $100/month working three shifts and taking care of us, could she afford us? in theory hell no, was she selfish for having us? hell no, did she get us working on the farm when we were older? hell yeah

Would I have it any other way? Definitely not!

 

We have different life experiences and come from different angles, let's just agree to disagree

 

 

mate, no disagreement here at all, was just trying to provide the OP a different perspective, that he should not feel selfish for not wanting kids (paraphrasing here), when in fact often having children is actually the selfish act.

 

as you elude to, everyone has different experiences and perspectives. but working in the resources (primarily Water) sector, i can see the extent to which the way the world is going is not sustainable and overpopulation is going to be a problem. Obviously we're talking a very macro vs micro view though.

 

This is what I love about this forum, there can be adult and fair discussion of many topics and most people on here are reasonable and balanced individuals. +1 vote for Lambopower as an awesome place to hang out