Did anyone here decide to never have children?

Can it also be both, i.e. that having children makes lots of people miserable, but they nonetheless love their children despite the misery?

Can it also be both, i.e. that having children makes lots of people miserable, but they nonetheless love their children despite the misery?

 

That's how LP feels about you Wheels Couldn't resist...too easy

 

I've def seen the "both" dynamic. I have an older friend with a special needs kid, and it's a lot of work and very very stressful. There is a lot of pain and misery, but despite all of that an incredible amount of love.

Can it also be both, i.e. that having children makes lots of people miserable, but they nonetheless love their children despite the misery?

 

It can always be both.

 

I always wondered, what would be the true inner fellings of a mother of a nasty child, one who committed some heinous crime, I'd never forgive one of my children but what would your instinct tell you, maternal bonds are extremely strong, I hope I will never be in the position to find out!

We are expecting our first (a boy) in April and I couldn't be more excited. I do think it's a bit crazy to have kids when you're super young as many others have mentioned, it is 100% personal preference.

 

I have 3 siblings myself and family get togethers are always a blast. To be honest, I can't imagine not having a family like that when I'm older and it's my kids who are coming over.

I have 3 siblings myself and family get togethers are always a blast. To be honest, I can't imagine not having a family like that when I'm older and it's my kids who are coming over.

 

That raises an interesting issue beyond the kids themselves. The large family gatherings that accompany larger families and gatherings.

 

How do most of you find the holidays with larger groups of people and more rowdy gatherings? Is it something you've always loved? Or is it something you tolerate to make sure the kids are happy.

 

The reason i ask is becausei find any sort of gathering (social or family) with more than say 4 people stressful and noisy and it genuinely wears me out for a good week or two subsequent. Is this something you learn to tolerate as you havea family? Or is it genuinely just an individual personality thing? For the record my best xmas in recent memory was spent painting my front fence avoiding social engagements, then going for a drive on empty roads then spending the evening with my significant other.

Please don't take this the wrong way because I am genuinely curious.

What makes you happy? Excited, etc? Based on your Internet persona you must be an absolute joy to be around

 

I'm not offended by any question or comment ever...

I get happiness and joy from a million things, not just one thing. My wife, walking the dogs, riding our horses, swimming, being on a boat, being in the ocean or a lake,our home, business, hobbies, travelling,arguing ,debating,, being on the racetrack on a bike or car, competition,meeting new people,eating ,helping people,jiu jitsu, Muay Thai, weight lifting, being with people , being without people. I could go on and on and on.

I'm not a joy to be around maybe but I'm certainly not phony, disloyal or boring .

My internet persona is mostly the part of me that likes to argue and or debate I guess.

I just had a week of insane excitement and joy with my wife at the peninsula house in las Terrenas. That place is heaven on earth

My internet persona is mostly the part of me that likes to argue and or debate I guess.

 

I DISAGREE. LET'S DEBATE RIGHT MEOW!

 

My guess:

 

He probably gets some joy from arm barring or guillotine choke holding his opponents in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Based on his talent level, he has more than enough ability to defend himself in the real world and to continue training for the sake of getting better seems like a waste of time.

 

 

Very true but the comradarie of the sport and the people I have met and trained with all over in different countries has been amazing too.

My talent level is not that high and even guys who do it for their whole life are always learning cause the game keeps evolving .

Plus anyone can beat up anyone at any time given the right circumstances so I train because I love it not just the chance I run into someone from the Internet and they take a swing!

I DISAGREE. LET'S DEBATE RIGHT MEOW!

 

 

I lied I like arguing and debating in real life too

That raises an interesting issue beyond the kids themselves. The large family gatherings that accompany larger families and gatherings.

 

How do most of you find the holidays with larger groups of people and more rowdy gatherings? Is it something you've always loved? Or is it something you tolerate to make sure the kids are happy.

 

The reason i ask is becausei find any sort of gathering (social or family) with more than say 4 people stressful and noisy and it genuinely wears me out for a good week or two subsequent. Is this something you learn to tolerate as you havea family? Or is it genuinely just an individual personality thing? For the record my best xmas in recent memory was spent painting my front fence avoiding social engagements, then going for a drive on empty roads then spending the evening with my significant other.

 

My wife has 6 brothers and sisters and it's horrible. Boring,stupid, self involved , no I'm not talking about me. So after 16 years we don't bother to get together with them at all. I'm with you

I lied I like arguing and debating in real life too

 

I actually do as well, so long as the person is rational enough and mature enough to handle disagreement.

I actually do as well, so long as the person is rational enough and mature enough to handle disagreement.

 

Oh man it's way more fun when they are irrational

Oh man it's way more fun when they are irrational

 

I DISAGREE WITH YOU! I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW! I CANNOT BELIEVE THE AUDACITY! HARUMPH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean, can you believe that some people don't like fire sauce from taco bell? It's crazy really.

That raises an interesting issue beyond the kids themselves. The large family gatherings that accompany larger families and gatherings.

 

How do most of you find the holidays with larger groups of people and more rowdy gatherings? Is it something you've always loved? Or is it something you tolerate to make sure the kids are happy.

 

The reason i ask is becausei find any sort of gathering (social or family) with more than say 4 people stressful and noisy and it genuinely wears me out for a good week or two subsequent. Is this something you learn to tolerate as you havea family? Or is it genuinely just an individual personality thing? For the record my best xmas in recent memory was spent painting my front fence avoiding social engagements, then going for a drive on empty roads then spending the evening with my significant other.

 

I' with you, I don't like having a million people over that I just so happen to be related to. I like keeping it small with my core family members (6 of us) and maybe a few friends over. I know I have a lot of extended family out there but honestly I have no desire or drive to meet them. My core family has been through a lot (I'll have to make a post in the boot-strapper thread at some point) so in all honestly they are the ones that matter. The rest I have no need to know,, but that's me personally.

I have one remaining blood relative. My son. Yeah... Wouldn't trade that.

Never wanted kids. Too busy with career and making a mark for myself on this planet. Then I hit 30 and I looked around me, big house, nice car, successful career and a nice bank account and I thought "now what? Is this all there is to life?" Realized at that moment that I wanted a child.

 

My son is now 12. I cannot describe the joy he brings to our lives. You could take everything away and if I still have him, I'd be rich. He gives our lives meaning. I can't imagine my life without him. My only regret, not having more than 1. This coming from the girl voted least maternal (prior to having my son) by my friends

We are perfectly happy having FurKids.... No kids for us. ZERO desire...

Oh course the other side of this is that I hear parents tell me all the time that they make the situation sound better than it is and they don't even know why they do it. I think it's biological to get non parents to breed.....oh it hasn't cause me much financial or personal stress and they sleep thru the night ever since they were new born! hahahah

 

Maybe it is biological, I won't argue that. It honestly doesn't matter to me one way or the other if someone else chooses not to have children.

 

It does bother me however when people that are incapable (mentally or financially) have children.

 

 

Everyone has their own chemistry, and different things make different people happy. Spending time with my children and watching them learn new things, watching their minds get blown at the smallest little discoveries, and having a hand in raising 2 boys that I hope will be positive contributors to society Makes me happy along with other things.

I'm not offended by any question or comment ever...

I get happiness and joy from a million things, not just one thing. My wife, walking the dogs, riding our horses, swimming, being on a boat, being in the ocean or a lake,our home, business, hobbies, travelling,arguing ,debating,, being on the racetrack on a bike or car, competition,meeting new people,eating ,helping people,jiu jitsu, Muay Thai, weight lifting, being with people , being without people. I could go on and on and on.

I'm not a joy to be around maybe but I'm certainly not phony, disloyal or boring .

My internet persona is mostly the part of me that likes to argue and or debate I guess.

I just had a week of insane excitement and joy with my wife at the peninsula house in las Terrenas. That place is heaven on earth

 

 

To me it's pretty interesting that you don't understand having children which is, as you even put it a biological thing, instinctual to us to want to have. But you are ok with having a wife which is a contract made up by society and you have dogs which is also a lot of work and in return they bring companionship and happiness to people's lives.

This coming from the girl voted least maternal (prior to having my son) by my friends

 

 

Wait... You're a chick? For five years now I always assumed you were a dude....

Toof is a dude. He was referring to his wife.

To me it's pretty interesting that you don't understand having children which is, as you even put it a biological thing, instinctual to us to want to have. But you are ok with having a wife which is a contract made up by society and you have dogs which is also a lot of work and in return they bring companionship and happiness to people's lives.

 

 

I never said I don't understand having children, I will say logically it makes no sense and everyone who found meaning with a kid or now has a complete life should have been working on themselves maybe . You have no purpose, no life and you have sex , a kid pops out and the clouds part and you are complete? I know there is way more to life than that and you can't hinge your whole meaning or reason to live on one thing ever.

I'm not ok with having a wife I chose to have a wife because she is awesome, our horses and dogs are all one way joy except the day they die (kids not so much).

I think I'd be fine with either way. No kids yet at 33 but my twin has has 3 boys from a few months up to almost 7 years old. The one concern for me with having a kid is passing along my hearing issues, so I think I'd want to do genetics testing with the lady before having a kid, even though I'm sure it's no guarantee.

I completely understand both viewpoints though.

Toof is a dude. He was referring to his wife.

 

I think you're confused buddy, this isn't toof, it's eye.

 

 

I never said I don't understand having children, I will say logically it makes no sense and everyone who found meaning with a kid or now has a complete life should have been working on themselves maybe . You have no purpose, no life and you have sex , a kid pops out and the clouds part and you are complete? I know there is way more to life than that and you can't hinge your whole meaning or reason to live on one thing ever.

I'm not ok with having a wife I chose to have a wife because she is awesome, our horses and dogs are all one way joy except the day they die (kids not so much).

 

 

I never said kids are my only reason for living or that I didnt feel I had purpose in life prior to kids. Im a bit confused when you state "you never said you dont understand having children but logically it makes no sense"?

 

So you chose to have a wife vs just spending the rest of your life with another woman without a contract? You chose the contract?

I have not owned horses but I have owned plenty of dogs. It is not one way. Perhaps you are using your own argument against your self about tricking yourself into thinking its all joy? Dogs do things that make you angry as well. Dogs can be disobedient at times and they can also wake you in the middle of the night. Its not always perfect with dogs either.

 

Trying to explain the joys of raising a child to a person that has none is like trying to explain sex to a virgin. The virgin can put on paper many different reasons why you wouldnt want to have sex: pyscho partners after, stds, emotional drama, etc, but the one reason why you would have sex trumps all of the reasons why you wouldnt. Just cant easily articulate that reason to a person who hasnt been there.