Did anyone here decide to never have children?

Growing up, I always thought having my own son would be cool.

 

However, the longer I progress through life, the more I do not want to have kids.

 

Did anyone here decide to never have children? Do you regret it?

I know people who haven't. They are happy with their decision. I know a couple that didn't want kids and had an oops kid and are happy it happened.

 

It's personal preference for sure. I have 2 kids and can't imagine life without them.

It's personal preference for sure. I have 2 kids and can't imagine life without them.

 

This. At least IMO, they're my reason for living.

 

I was flat out against it in my last marriage, married the right person this time. Best thing that ever happened to me. Without a doubt.

 

 

 

Not really answering your question but- yea- I wanted one of each. Ended up with two girls. Every day is better than the previous. So fun to watch them learn, figure things out, realize things. Time definitely goes faster and you gain a different view of the world. Cheers to what ever you decide!

 

 

I only thought about not having children once I had two. If you're on the fence borrow my son for a day, good times coming home to lasagna jammed into the grand piano keys.

I have a daughter from a previous relationship. My current wife can't get pregnant naturally, so our only choice would be IVF. It is expensive and our odds aren't that great (~30%). We've decided not to go through with it. We have my daughter regularly where we parent, but we also enjoy our free time.

 

Would we have a kid if it wasn't going to cost us thousands of $$. Likely, I love being a dad. My wife really enjoys being a (step) mom.

 

I have a feeling that this question will become quite common in society as people wait until later in life to have kids. People will get caught up in their current routine and life-style, and then weigh pro's and con's of having a child. Then tack on that it becomes harder to have a kid the older you get (more particularly for women), that some people may just find it a hassle.

I have a daughter from a previous relationship. My current wife can't get pregnant naturally, so our only choice would be IVF. It is expensive and our odds aren't that great (~30%). We've decided not to go through with it. We have my daughter regularly where we parent, but we also enjoy our free time.

 

Would we have a kid if it wasn't going to cost us thousands of $$. Likely, I love being a dad. My wife really enjoys being a (step) mom.

 

I have a feeling that this question will become quite common in society as people wait until later in life to have kids. People will get caught up in their current routine and life-style, and then weigh pro's and con's of having a child. Then tack on that it becomes harder to have a kid the older you get (more particularly for women), that some people may just find it a hassle.

 

 

I have had a number of friends who have not been able to conceive, it's brutal on your psyche, no guarantees, slow, painful and expensive. One of my friends even resorted to using a surrogate three different times before they successfully had twins. They were well in over $300k. Another couple I know, decided to wait until they were both in their early 40's, had a lots of problems but eventually had a little boy, they regret not trying sooner. A 2nd for them is now a non starter.

 

We were very fortunate, no problems conceiving, we have a boy and a girl. I can't express the love I have for them. But that said, I wouldn't judge someone if they chose not to, you've got to live your life, not somebody else's expectations of what they think you should do.

For my wife and I, kids are like a vacation destination. "Great place to visit, just wouldn't want to live there" LOL

 

But seriously, we are very happy being DINKs ( I am 45 and she is 52) We both admire a strong family unit but it is not for every one.

 

My parents are supportive of my decision. Her parents are ok with it too (not that it should matter, but saves arguments)

 

My advice and $.02 If it is not something that you are really sure you want to do, don't.

 

PM me if you like.

At 35 with no kids it comes up but it's a constant discussion. If it happens then so be it, (as a guy) I'm not stuck on the idea one way or another.

Couples that think twice about having kids should be applauded. So many people have kids these days and have no idea to the level of responsibility. People that reflect on whether to have kids or not are good in my books, wish more people would do the same.

Couples that think twice about having kids should be applauded. So many people have kids these days and have no idea to the level of responsibility. People that reflect on whether to have kids or not are good in my books, wish more people would do the same.

 

I agree, I waited until I was 39 to have my first child, fortunately my wife is 7 years younger so running "out of time" wasn't an issue for us.

Couples that think twice about having kids should be applauded. So many people have kids these days and have no idea to the level of responsibility. People that reflect on whether to have kids or not are good in my books, wish more people would do the same.

 

Reflecting back, I can't fcuking imagine having a kid when I was 25, or even 30, I feel like I could barely keep myself from fcuking things up too bad let alone a mini-me.

 

I know of people from high school who have kids that are now in high school... And here I am, with a moderate level of success and still wondering if we have enough $$ to raise kids properly and give them the best chance at life. How fucked up is that.

 

I also find it interesting (and not surprising) that a group of high achievers waited till later in life to have kids. That has to be more than a passing coincidence.

Reflecting back, I can't fcuking imagine having a kid when I was 25, or even 30, I feel like I could barely keep myself from fcuking things up too bad let alone a mini-me.

 

I know of people from high school who have kids that are now in high school... And here I am, with a moderate level of success and still wondering if we have enough $$ to raise kids properly and give them the best chance at life. How fucked up is that.

 

I also find it interesting (and not surprising) that a group of high achievers waited till later in life to have kids. That has to be more than a passing coincidence.

 

It's not a coincidence it's a general trend. It also tends to lead toward a trend of difficulty conceiving. My sister's cohort had a lot of women on fertility drugs. Ideally the younger bodies are best suited for making and having babies but our society has changed where we are not ready until the typical late stages of our fertility.

I only thought about not having children once I had two. If you're on the fence borrow my son for a day, good times coming home to lasagna jammed into the grand piano keys.

 

I don't know why but I laughed really loud for this.

I know of people from high school who have kids that are now in high school... And here I am, with a moderate level of success and still wondering if we have enough $$ to raise kids properly and give them the best chance at life. How fucked up is that.

 

 

Not fucked up at all.

 

My wife is the vice principal at the top private school in our city (1.25MM people). The dads coming to pick up their kids in grade 1 - they aren't in their 20s or 30s. They are all late 40s, early 50s, very wealthy guys. That said it's rare when they come.,,, it's usually the hot wife early 30s coming to pick the kids up

This thread is very interesting to me, as my Wife and I have been discussing this exact issue lately. After being together for 8 years, we are still undecided on kids and every time I think we've settled it, the conversation seems to find a new spark.

 

Cliffnotes on us:

 

-I'm 33, she's 28. (I was told the 5 year age difference would buy me some time!)

 

-Together for 8 years, Living together for the last 7, married for the last 2.

 

-Both highly educated, working full time, and have "career" type jobs, (although we both want a lot more out of life than we've achieved thus far...ex; haven't bought our dream house together yet, our dream cars, haven't traveled the world yet, etc.). In addition we both want to move out of NJ, so a major life-change (OTHER than kids!) may be on the horizon in the next few years.

 

We got married in 2014 with (what I "THOUGHT") was the understanding that we probably wouldn't have kids, opting for the "fun Uncle" or "cool Aunt" titles instead. Very recently though, my Wife seems to be reconsidering things. Maybe its because a couple of her friends have had kids or gotten pregnant recently, or maybe her biological clock is suddenly saying something different.

 

Either way, I was caught completely off-guard in the last year and am very undecided on the issue. It's not that I'm dead-set against kids...its just that I feel like there's SO much more I want to accomplish first (traveling the world being a big one, and finally "feeling" successful being the biggest one).

 

Thank you for the responses thus far! Interesting to hear from some of the successful people I aspire to be like.

Not fucked up at all.

 

My wife is the vice principal at the top private school in our city (1.25MM people). The dads coming to pick up their kids in grade 1 - they aren't in their 20s or 30s. They are all late 40s, early 50s, very wealthy guys. That said it's rare when they come.,,, it's usually the hot wife early 30s coming to pick the kids up

 

 

That's my ideal right there !

 

IDK.

 

It seems kind of selfish to me not to have children. But, I do enjoy my life quite a bit. And, knowing what kind of "burden" that would bring upon me, I don't feel ready....yet. Haven't met goals I set, not where I want to be yet, etc.

 

My wife is ready, and if we decide to, its best to do it sooner than later, which is why I ask this question. For fertility reasons and for selfish reasons (younger parents, will still be young-ish, able to have the energy to take care of kids).

 

I'm also kind of pessimistic about the state of the world. Everything seems kind of pointless in a way. Meaning (not to freak anyone out), things come and go, and eventually (to our knowledge), everything around us will vanish. So, my main concern is how I want to spend my life (selfish, I know).

 

I've also thought about having them there for my lasts breaths, and having someone to carry on my genes/values. I mean, what else are we here for, right? Would be kinda sad to have it end all here with me.

 

Good responses, thanks fellas.

I have had a number of friends who have not been able to conceive, it's brutal on your psyche, no guarantees, slow, painful and expensive. One of my friends even resorted to using a surrogate three different times before they successfully had twins. They were well in over $300k. Another couple I know, decided to wait until they were both in their early 40's, had a lots of problems but eventually had a little boy, they regret not trying sooner. A 2nd for them is now a non starter.

 

We were very fortunate, no problems conceiving, we have a boy and a girl. I can't express the love I have for them. But that said, I wouldn't judge someone if they chose not to, you've got to live your life, not somebody else's expectations of what they think you should do.

 

Due to my wife's condition, we would've been covered by the government. Then our work benefits would've covered a good portion of the drugs needed. Our total cost would've been substantially lower than others. For me it was more the emotional investment which caused me to lean against doing IVF. Money is money, it comes and goes. But I have a tendency of getting my hopes up. If something were to happen and we weren't successful, it would be completely deflating.

 

We know a couple that has done multiple rounds of IVF in order to get pregnant. They tried for years. Then a few years back she got pregnant. At about 8 months in she was in for a check-up, the doctors did some tests and my understanding is took her back to a room. She lost the baby near full term. Had to deliver it still-born. The couple tried again, and I believe she again got pregnant but lost it at some point. The emotional roller coaster that couple went through was in the back of my mind when we made the decision to stick with just being parents part-time with my daughter. Luckily, my kid is great. The love I have for that bundle of terror is amazing.

 

Kids aren't for everyone. I do believe we are meant to procreate in general, but there are enough out there making up for my short-fall that I am not about to get all torn up about my lack of contribution.

I'm 24 now and have always been extremely against having kids. My girlfriend too, which is nice not having the pressure of her needing a ring/kids. Her sister just had a baby and we watch him occasionally. That is about the closest I'll get until I'm much, much older. I'll stick with my two dogs for now.

It's not a coincidence it's a general trend. It also tends to lead toward a trend of difficulty conceiving. My sister's cohort had a lot of women on fertility drugs. Ideally the younger bodies are best suited for making and having babies but our society has changed where we are not ready until the typical late stages of our fertility.

 

Totally agree I have no close friends that had kids in their 20's. You are better equipped to parent with more life experience, you'll have more resources to stack the deck for your kids. Trade off for some - lower fertility. We're just not raising "millennials".

For me it was more the emotional investment which caused me to lean against doing IVF. Money is money, it comes and goes. But I have a tendency of getting my hopes up. If something were to happen and we weren't successful, it would be completely deflating.

 

Sounds about right. Another option you might consider is adoption. Cuts to the chase, the only hurdles are bureaucratic. I know several families where it's been extremely successful and the right choice for them.

It seems kind of selfish to me not to have children. But, I do enjoy my life quite a bit. And, knowing what kind of "burden" that would bring upon me, I don't feel ready....yet. Haven't met goals I set, not where I want to be yet, etc.

I believe the most selfish thing you can do is have children if you don't really want them. Deciding not to have kids does not make a person selfish. Everyone has to do what is right for them, and it is highly individual.

 

I know people that weren't really sure they were ready, but oops she got pregnant and they love having their family and never looked back. So just because you don't feel ready doesn't mean if you have a child that it would be not work out. Many say it's like a lot of life decisions - one never feels quite "ready" to make a huge decision but sometimes you grow into it and look back and have no regrets.

 

There are no guarantees (obviously) - but if your gut tells you that you're not sure you WANT children - that's different than wanting them but not being ready. If you want them and they come before you're ready - you'll find a way to make it work (as with everything in life). If you don't WANT them and are surprised....it's a lot tougher to find a way to make it work that is "fair" to the child.

I believe the most selfish thing you can do is have children if you don't really want them. Deciding not to have kids does not make a person selfish. Everyone has to do what is right for them, and it is highly individual.

 

I know people that weren't really sure they were ready, but oops she got pregnant and they love having their family and never looked back. So just because you don't feel ready doesn't mean if you have a child that it would be not work out. Many say it's like a lot of life decisions - one never feels quite "ready" to make a huge decision but sometimes you grow into it and look back and have no regrets.

 

There are no guarantees (obviously) - but if your gut tells you that you're not sure you WANT children - that's different than wanting them but not being ready. If you want them and they come before you're ready - you'll find a way to make it work (as with everything in life). If you don't WANT them and are surprised....it's a lot tougher to find a way to make it work that is "fair" to the child.

 

Nail on the head..

It seems kind of selfish to me not to have children.

 

In 37 and in the no kids camp. I'm happy for those that have them, and admire their strength of character for being able to do it. Good knows i don't have what it takes. If i were in a financial position where i didn't have to work maybe I'd consider it. But while I'm having to bust my ass every day i couldn't cope with added responsibility.

 

But in reference to your comment of it being selfish not having kids, i think you have it the wrong way around. I think having children is the selfish choice. You are adding to an over populated planet with limited resources, in a country that for the most part exploits poorer countries which utilises child/slave labour (im looking at you here China).

 

While people who can and should have kids seem to be putting it off, when you get a bunch of welfare recipients sitting a small brood of kids out living of the government having kids who don't contribute to society etc they are being selfish because it's not really to the benefit of anyone but themselves so they can have that warm fuzzy feeling of being a parent at everyone else's expense.

 

I'm obviously generalising, and I'm sure it's not representative of anyone on here, but people on here probably only represent the top 5% in your respective countries, and to 1% of the world as a whole.

 

But even here in Australia, middle class people get handouts from the government to subsidise their children, through child care subsidies, tax concessions we even had a baby bonus at one stage. To me it just seems like people exploring everyone else so they can feel warm and fuzzy.