Lambo-Power.Com GHOUL POOL 2010

Ronnie Wood

 

Allan Greenspan

 

Amy Winehouse

 

 

Ronnie Wood- 63 year old Rolling Stone guitarist best known for looking like a 93 year old Rolling Stone guitarist and for having the build of an anorexic teenage girl. His long history of drug and alcohol abuse appears to have resurfaced in the last few years, causing the break-up of his marriage and a recent arrest for beating up his girlfriend.... Who is young enough to be his Great-Great-Grand daughter. 10 Pts.

 

Allan Greenspan- 84 year old former Fed Chairman most famous for banging both Andrea Mitchell and Barbara Walters. A work-a-holic, his recent semi retirement doesnt seem to be sitting well with him, but he seems motivated to live long enough to say "I told you so" at least one more time. 5 pts.

 

Amy Crackhouse- 27 Year old drug addled soul diva most famous for surviving the last two years despite the odds against her. I am actually pleased to report 2010 is looking up for her. She seems to be somewhat serious about getting healthy and has even put on a few ounces (although, that could just be bloat from renal failure)- 5 pts.

Lindsay Lohan

 

 

Andy Rooney

 

 

Hugh Heffner

 

 

Lindsay- 5 pts

 

Andy Rooney - Did ya ever notice Andy Rooney is s 91 year old whiney asshole? This guy has turned complaining into a 50 year career.... fcuk him... And because Im hoping we really are at the end of his 60 minutes... 1 Point.

 

Hugh Hefner- 84 year old publishing mogul and perpetual horndog most famous for having the body of an 18 year old.... ON TOP OF HIS COCK... His health has been steadily declining in recent months, and I dont even think the Viagra IV hes been hooked up to can give him the will to live much longer. Bon Voyage Captain!.... 5 points

 

Warren Buffett

 

Bobby Brown

 

Sylvester Stallone

 

 

Warren "All you can eat" Buffett- 80 year old oracle of Omaha best known for pretending that being born the son of a United States Congressman and successful stock broker qualifies as having humble origins. A multi-billionaire, he has spent much of his life devoted to raising the income tax on middle income households and being a huge proponent of the Estate Tax he has spent last five years trying to avoid himself. A role model to tightwads and polygamists everywhere, when he finally dies he'll probably be buried in a paper mache` casket with his former wife and Astrid Menks (whether she has died yet or not) crammed in there with him, just to save a few bucks... - 10 points.

 

Bobby Brown- 41 year old former R&B star now better known for his messy divorce from equally fucked up Whitney Houston and frequent problems with drugs, alcohol, and keeping his sorry ass out of jail. Having survived a drug induced heart attack in 2007, this fcuking guy is one payday away from partying his ass to death. 5 pts.

 

 

Sly Stallone- 64 year old action hero most famous for being the less interesting brother of Frank Stallone. He has suffered his entire life from the effects of a stroke he suffered during his birth, which is odd since his mom is a psychic and should have told the doctors it would happen beforehand? Known for his great philanthropic works, its been said he has a heart as big as the Globe.... It was later discovered that in fact, his heart IS as big as a globe due to his abuse of Human Growth Hormone. 10 droopy pts.

Steve Jobs

Hugh Heffner

Elizabeth Taylor

 

 

Steve Jobs- 55 year old Apple founder and Emperor of geekdom best known for being a slightly eccentric in a really cool way. Honestly, I owe a lot to this guy, because if it were not for his bringing the Apple Computer to market, I probably would have never graduated from Jr. High, let alone gone on to law school.... Thanks Steve. Going on six years with Pancreatic Cancer, and a recent recipient of a liver transplant to put his chances in terms of computers, hes looking at a Sad Mac Icon. 5 pts

 

Hugh G. Rection- 5 Pts

 

Liz Taylor- 78 year old academy award winning actress and chronic hypochondriac most famous for gaining and losing a combined 17.5 metric tons of weight over the course of her life. With her role as queen of the Tabloid headlines now firmly ensconced in history, and having recently accomplished her life's goal of outliving Michael Jackson, she may just kick the bucket to spite them all.... Having already made arrangements for a lavish plot at Hollywood Forever including a granite tombstone bearing the epitaph "I told You I was sick" there is no way in hell she will ever get more than - 5 points.

 

 

 

 

Madonna

 

Bill Gates

 

Suzie Orman

 

 

Quentin Tarantino

Hayden Christensen

Perez Hilton (Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr.)

 

 

 

 

Lil Wayne

 

Bill Cosby

 

Ringo Starr

Elizabeth Taylor

 

Stevie Wonder

 

Michael Gambon

Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

Betty White

 

Peter O'toole

Steve Jobs

Clint Eastwood

Joe Rogan

 

Steve Jobs= 5 pts

 

Clint Eastwood- 80 year old academy award winning actor/director most famous for his 27 different roles playing a complete badass.... His will to live is evident in the fact that he has survived both an airplane crash and "everything which way but loose". An avid golfer and showing no signs of slowing down, he may even succeed in making Maaaaatttt Daaaaamuuun look good- 10 Points.

 

Joe Rogan-43 year old comedian and game show host, most famous for his "Im the coolest guy in the room" routine which he has even managed to pull of while feeding people horse anus. I'm not sure if hes an attention whore, or just a general A-hole, but he seems to get into a lot of high publicity fights.... Dude.... Its comedy.... LIGHTEN THE fcuk UP. A self confessed friend of hallucinogenic drugs,- 20 psychedelic pts

Bob Barker

Joaquin Phoenix

Doyle Brunson (not sure if he's "famous enough", if not I'll pick Billy Dee Williams)

 

 

Bob Barker- 87 year old quizmaster and animal rights activist most famous for being David Letterman's role model. Having shtooped each of the "Barker Beauties" and been sued for firing them once they got too old for his shriveled ass, he retired a few years back to concentrate on spaying every animal in California. In retrospect he probably should have started with himself. A survivor of multiple strokes and cancers, its just a matter of time before the boys at Hollywood Forever tell him to "COME ON DOWN!" 5 pts.

 

Joaquin Phoenix- 36 year old hairlip and actor, most famous for being the less talented and higher toleranced brother of River Phoneix. A possibly mild autistic and definite alcoholic, it appears the two dont mesh well and he has checked out mentally. Although many surmised the Jim Morrison schtick was all an act, he has not worked since 2008. 25 pts.

 

Billy Dee Williams. 73 year old actor most famous for his role as the arrogant ladies man "Lando Calrissian" in the Star Wars franchise. He looks GREAT and is funny as hell... and thats got to be good for his health- 15 pts.

Jack Nicholson

 

Robert Duvall

 

Harrison Ford

 

 

 

George Clooney

 

Wayne Gretsky

 

Tommy Lee Jones

Mike Tyson

Dwayne Johnson

Amy Crackhouse

 

 

Iron Mike- 44 Year old heavyweight prize fighter, most famous for his early dominance in the sport and being a complete fcuking maniac. His decent into self destruction is well documented. The short list: Convicted of Rape; Bankruptcy; biting off Hollyfields ear;Tattooing his face; DUI; Drug abuse and multiple cases of battery. He's self loathing and mentally ill. Death would bring him peace. 5 pts.

 

 

Dwayne The Rock Johnson- 38 year old former professional wrestler turned actor most famous for riding a locker-room fart joke ("can you smell what Im cooking?") all the way to the edge of superstardom. The guy is young, in great shape, and by all outward appearances, a great guy. But he does have Pro Wrestling in his resume, and there just are no old pro wrestlers.... 25 pts.

 

Amy- 5 pts.

Wesley Snipes

Lady GaGa

Bill Murray

 

 

Wesley Snipes- 48 year old actor most famous for being dumb enough to follow tax advise he found on Youtube. Now a convicted tax cheat, he is currently out on bail awaiting appeal. Every dime he makes is already owed to either the Federal Government, or his agents, both of whom he forgot to pay for about ten straight years. His catch phrase may be "Always bet on black", but he's so far in the red he'll never get out. 10 pts.

 

Lady Gaga- (Note to self.... I never thought Id be writing an obituary for someone who's name sounds like an English honorarium for baby food. ) 24 year old Madonna wanna-be best known for being intentionally shocking for the sake of being intentionally shocking. She's been enjoying moderate fame for about 18 months now, and quite honestly, the schticks getting old.... Although she has bought the "How to be Madonna" playbook and is running it play by play, I dont think she'll make it to chapter two.... "REINVENTION AND CONTINUED RELEVANCE" and given her need for fame, that slow march into obscurity will slowly kill her. 35 pts.

 

Bill Murray- 60 year old semi retired comedic actor and SNL alum most famous for his tour de force portrayal of Carl Spackler, the Gopher loathing greenskeeper in Caddyshack. He stays in pretty decent shape, and he survived the 70s despite being a regular on SNL.... Hes not going anywhere.... 30 pts.

 

Tom Sizemore

 

Courtney Love

 

Elton John

 

 

Tom Sizemore- 49 year old part time actor and full time meth addict more famous for knocking his girlfriends down than "Blackhawk Down". 5 pts

 

Courtney Love- 46 year old Heroin Addict turned groupie to Kurt Cobain, turned musician, who never really got over the heroin thing. Best known for allegedly having kurt cobain killed, her long troubles with prescription drugs and opiates are well known. She seems to be doing slightly better than in years past, but she is now the front runner for the "Anna Nicole Smith- Blonde Drug addict most likely to end up on the mantle next year" award. -5 Points

 

Elton John- 63 Year old British pop icon most famous for being the only High-Profile Queen of the 80's to survive the AIDS epidemic. With the death of Michael Jackson, Elton is now the reigning king of weird pop idols who piss away too much money... 20 points

Morgan Freeman

 

Robert Duvall

 

Lindsay Lohan

 

 

Morgan Freeman- 73 year old African American Actor most famous for teaching an entire generation of kids phonics in The Electric Company. Has a penchant for drinking, Flying, and crashing cars..... And although he looks great and is still grinding them out, hes still 73 years old... 5 Points

 

Bob Duvall- 79 Year old actor/director most famous for his 15 second, no-line, break-out performance as Boo Radley in "To Kill A Mockingbird"... Its been all down hill from there. Im still angry he missed the chance to meet me at the premiere party for his Scottish Football film, "A shot at glory", because he had selfishly fallen off a horse and damned near broken his neck a few days earlier, leaving his party goers stuck with Costner as host. As long as he keeps off the horses, he'll be fine- 10 Points.

 

LOHAN- 5 pts.

Robert Pattinson

 

Hannah Montana

 

Emma Watson

[Edit from RD- You do know there is no prize for last place right?]

 

Robert Pattinson- 24 year old British Actor and flavor de jour for the pre-teen lust set most famous for being killed off by the one who shall not be named in the Harry Potter series. I had honestly never heard of this guy until I saw a DVD at Bestbuy entitled "Robsessed". Upon checking out the back cover, I began laughing so hard I had to be escorted out of the store by security. No known health issues save for a taste for prescription depressants. 40 Pts.

 

Miley Cyrus (sorry, I cant let you enter a CHARACTER that has already outlived its shelf life). 18 year old Singer and Actress most famous for being the slightly more talented daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus. Although shes only 18, shes been sexualized by her handlers since the time she was in a training bra. Living up to her father's one hit wonder, she does in fact suffer from an Achey Breaky Heart, which manifests itself as an irregular heartbeat. 40 Pts.

 

Emma Watson- 20 year old British actress most famous for straightening out Harry Potter's wand, and accidentally flashing her "Chamber of Secrets" when getting out of cars. Christ all mighty... Shes 20, has more money than God has Children, doesn't drink, doesnt smoke, and is putting off an Ivy League education to continue the Harry Potter series.... I have a better chance of being run over by the Space Shuttle, than she has of dying. 80 Pts.

Kloe Kardashian

 

Kanye West

 

Mel Gibson

 

 

Khloe Kardashian- 26 year old model most famous for being the daughter of O.J. Simpson Golfing buddy Robert Kardashian, and step daughter of a wax mannequin that used to be Bruce Jenner. The homliest of the Kardashian girls, she apparently suffers from a compulsive disorder and a love of drinking while driving. 35 Pts

 

Kanye West- Ima let you finish... Drinking yourself to death- 5 pts.

 

 

Mel Gibson- 56 year old Australian actor most famous for not believing in birth control. Recently divorced, remarried, and with his eighth or ninth kid already born, you wonder where the guy has time to blame the Jews for everything? A long history of alcohol abuse, a sharp temper, and a history of DUIs along the winding PCH near Malibu, the guy is one bender away from driving into the Pacific. 15 Pts.

 

 

 

1.)Micheal Schumacher

 

2.)Fidel Castro

 

3.)Clint Eastwood

1) Jenna Jameson

 

2) Howard Stern

 

3) Rush Limbaugh

Madonna

 

Bill Gates

 

Suzie Orman

 

 

Madonna - 52 Year old pop Diva most famous for moving to Great Britain and adopting a British accent within three months of living there.... She truly is a blank slate. She has no actually personality of her own, which is why its so effortless for her to reinvent herself every 3 years thus keeping up with the times... Shes healthier than most 20 year olds... 45 pts

 

Bill Gates- 55 year old Microsoft founder and prickly super geek most famous for stealing every idea Steve Jobs ever had, mass producing it and totally ruining it, and making 2000 times the profit off it. Now that Jobs has cancer, I fear that Gates may begin growing a tumor of his own just so that he wont be outdone. 20 Pts

 

 

Suzie Orman- 59 year old bubbly, lesbian financial guru most famous for being able to ridicule perfect strangers about their financial habits with a big shit eating grin on her face. 30 carpetmunching pts.

Quentin Tarantino

Hayden Christensen

Perez Hilton (Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr.)

 

Quentin Tarantino- 47 year old video store clerk turned director turned raging coke fiend best known for reviving the careers of John Travolta and Harvey Keitel. The guy is seriously fcuking amped all the time.... I suspect he will have the obligatory heart attack that goes along with that within five years. 20 pts

 

Hayden Christensen- 29 year old actor and heartthrob best known for completely fcuking up the Star Wars series. Does not appear to suffer from many of the vices associated with other celebrities his age, but there is always a chance he will be offed by an incensed Star Wars Nerd who can no longer bear to watch his cardboard performance In Attack of The Clones. -70 Points.

 

Perez Hilton- 32 year old flaming gay, parasitic, internet gossip bitch, best known for getting the shit kicked out of him by various members of the black eyed peas. If being a douchbag was a terminal illness, this guy would be dead 18 months ago. As it is, Im giving him 15 points...

Lil Wayne

 

Bill Cosby

 

Ringo Starr

Little Wayne- 28 Year old Rapper most famous for accidentally shooting himself with a .44 magnum. He has a long history of substance abuse, most notably is his addiction to grape flavored Robitussin (sometimes this shit writes itself). Due to be sentenced to prison for possesion of a firearm in the course of narcotic trafficking, they will love him in the can.... LITERALLY. 5 pts.

 

 

Bill Cosby- 73 year old Doctor and comedian turned television icon, most famous for bitch slapping the NAACP while wearing a very festive sweater ensemble. Heathcliff isnt going any where. 10 Pts

 

Ringo- 70 year old drummer most famous for being the only surviving Beatle who isnt morphing into Linda McCarthy's twin sister. Often overlooked for his laudable acting skills best presented in such Classics as "CAVEMAN" And "CANDY"... No known current health issues and recently touring with his own band- 20 Points

Elizabeth Taylor

 

Stevie Wonder

 

Michael Gambon

 

 

American Velvet- 5 pts.

 

Stevie Wonder- 60 year old blind musician most famous for feeling his way to 25 grammys and 7 children. No known health issues (Except for the whole "cant see" thing) - 30 pts

 

Michael Gambon- 70 year old Irish character actor most famous for winning the 2010 Lambo-power.com Ghoul Pool "WHO?" award, and by nearly killing himself on Top Gear. Having sustained sufficient celebrity by replacing the late Richard Harris as Dumbledore in the Harry Potter Series, I cant imagine the producers would risk that lightning striking twice. 10 Pts.