I already love NYC NSFW!

If we are sharing camping stories, I only have one.

 

My wife and I decided to camp with our (then) one year old in California. Up near Saratoga(nice area).

We set our camping ground did camping stuff and turned in for the night.

2 am rolls around, and these other campers show up and start blasting the music and drinking heavy. I walk over to them and they start threatening me and my family. We packed up and went back home.

 

I will never camp again.

turn the tables and ask her for money

 

 

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

about 10 years ago my cousin had this stupid idea that I went along with, 7 days of camping near the ocean.

 

First night was absolutely unbearable, there was no way I would put up another night in a shit tent, the following day I went to rent a car to sleep in

 

The only suitable thing I could find was a small refrigerated truck

 

I drove it near the camping spot when I arrived everyone was rolling on the floor laughing.

 

I placed my inflatable mattress on the floor in the refrigerated box and slept like a baby, the following night every single one of them joined me in the box

 

If you see me camping PLEASE call the cops because I was definitely kidnaped!

 

 

:lol2: :lol2:

 

Last time I went camping me and a mate did a dj stage at a outdoor music party organised by some hippies, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of winter, 6 or 7 years ago.

 

We rock up in the SUV I used to have and a trailer full of speakers and amps, had to run over or remove plenty of small trees to get to the site, the idiot hippies selected a side of a hill that got barely any sun during the day and it was drizzling all the time, it was cold. So we set up our tent and stage, then proceeded to create a hugely overgrown campfire, i wouldn't call it a bonfire, and fed it trees for 3 days, lol.

 

The hippies didn't mind some tree chopping and polluting to keep warm hahaha.

 

and yeah, I slept in the SUV with the engine on to keep warm.

and the battery didn't die?

Lol share last night story.

and the battery didn't die?

 

almost! I forgot about that, i got woken up by the low volt beeper alarm the ac inverter had, then had to sit there holding the engine at enough revs to charge the battery back up.

So we've been hanging out with a porn star last 2 days, she isnt super hot but cute girl so today we chill then they leave and me and my cousin pull up her video... there is one called "foot job"

 

him: hey click this one

me: why, she doesn't fcuk, just does this foot job thing

him: well, we can keep it as another option

 

 

 

She likes my cousin but obviously has some issues so we'll see what happens.

 

 

FL - 75% women have fake tits

75% of guys are roiding or HGH'ing

This was the first night only, all of this happened. We are settled in now short term. I get your point but you are off base here, NYC is a great city and safe at night. In either case we are both Russian so that also provides an advantage, comparing to what we've seen back home this is a walk in the park. Obviously we consider what dangers there might be with doing something like setting up a tent in central park at night, but to us cops are bigger issue than bums - plus we are both 6 feet, I am 170 lbs lean and my cousin is 200lbs biceps the size of one's head.

 

 

We've talked to at least 80-100 people since we got here, and I am yet to encounter anyone rude, most are happy to try and help out.

 

You have nothing to fear...punks are afraid of Russians!!! Just drop a few menancing phrases in Russian and watch them disappear!!!

Rawr, how long will your journey last?

So we've been hanging out with a porn star last 2 days, she isnt super hot but cute girl so today we chill then they leave and me and my cousin pull up her video... there is one called "foot job"

 

him: hey click this one

me: why, she doesn't fcuk, just does this foot job thing

him: well, we can keep it as another option

 

 

 

She likes my cousin but obviously has some issues so we'll see what happens.

 

 

FL - 75% women have fake tits

75% of guys are roiding or HGH'ing

 

I hope thats not the story you are afraid to tell us....

 

What happened, are you back home?

 

getting into snorkeling, went out a few hundred feet today saw about 60-70 tarpons big ones 3-5 feet then I think I saw a small shark, fish started getting curious surrounded us, booked it to the shore, just because we were alone... felt like cowards so came back again, swimming out, don't see any fish at all, I start to feel strange - where is the fish?!

 

all of a sudden I look up and see my cousin booking it to the shore - I yell "what's up!?" and he screams "SHARK!!!!!" so I book it to the shore, we were exhausted by the time we made it back to shore, I looked back a few times under the water, part because I wanted to make sure it's not chasing me, partly because I want to face my fear so I want to see what it looks like.

 

 

Ordering these today, should make the process easier. I need to think of some kind of protection - knife, etc. today we borrowed a steak knife from one of the beach houses tied it with a vine and buried it in penoplast so it doesn't stab anyone by accident

 

http://www.amazon.com/Oceanic-Vortex-Full-..._pr_product_top

 

 

looked like this but 60 of them:

 

anyone here scuba/snorkel? any stories/advice?

anyone here scuba/snorkel? any stories/advice?

 

I went snorkeling with whale sharks up north a couple of months ago. The water was crawling with tiger sharks, so we kept going til they were nowhere to be seen. Found a couple of whale shark, geared up and jumped in. Sure enough, I jumped out and ended up pretty much face to face with a tiger shark on my way down, 2 seconds later I got rammed by the whale shark and had to return to the boat

I did some diving years ago, but haven't had the time or desire lately.

I once went snorkling in Malaysia, it was really great and there were a few sharks as well, little ones that is but they scared the shit out of me. First time I saw one, they were at least +1 metres, I swam back to shore because it's unreal to see one.

 

 

I want to do this once

 

I once went snorkling in Malaysia, it was really great and there were a few sharks as well, little ones that is but they scared the shit out of me. First time I saw one, they were at least +1 metres, I swam back to shore because it's unreal to see one.

 

 

I want to do this once

 

 

I don't know about that.

 

You might only do it once because you might get killed. Hence the name "KILLER WHALES!"

 

 

Todays story I figure I gotta type up, in part because hopefully you guys will enjoy it, and in part so I can save it while i still remember this adventure.

 

 

I knew that today was not going to end well.

 

while looking for opportunities here in FL, we have met a lot of people. One person we know owns 2 exotic talking parrots, and makes great money letting tourists take pictures with them - averages from $50-100 per hour. As soon as we learned this information, my cousin had lit up with an idea that he shared with me - "why don't we go catch an alligator and do the same?"

 

"wait, what? where you going to get one....and do you even know how to catch them?"

 

- sure I looked on youtube you just wrap something around their mouth so they don't bite.. and i looked on google maps there is a place we can go to.

 

"dude, where are you going to keep an alligator, and how quick will the cops bust us?"

 

- we will get a small one and keep it in the shower! and they wont bust us we will hide it in a suitcase and take pics really quick.. if cops come I will take the responsibility and say a black guy just gave it to me to hold.

 

 

 

So of course I am face palming myself, but he keeps talking about it, about how much money we can make and it beats working anywhere else. He is begging me to go 45-50 minutes to, basically a swamp, to play "Croc hunter"

 

To make situation more interesting, the main means of travel for us here is a 150cc scooter we bought a month ago. It was used, but it did its job and for travelling around the beach it was perfect- no more parking tickets or worrying about parking spots... $2 in gas is enough for a day, and we even put 2 more girls on this baby and it still went. Of course 2 guys on a scooter gets about the same amount of attention as an exotic - people want to talk to you, girls do 180 when they see you getting on one, from not talking to you to running over.. I just say we are environmentally conscious... and since they know we are Russian, and cousins, it isn't strange anymore. The scooter had been giving us problems starting and one time failed completely so i had take it to a mechanic who came and got it on his truck... we got it back 3 days ago and it was supposedly all working..but we had troubles starting it since we got back it as well..just put that under foreshadowing.

 

 

So after a quick swim in the ocean trying to see if any fish are visible today in the water (nahh, too murky, about 6 feet visibility only) we decide to travel to the swamp lands and catch our money making machine. We even made up a name for it - "jimmy" which led to some funny visualizations:

 

tourist while taking a photo - "so, how long have you guys had him?"

"Oh, jimmy? about 3 hours... he just came from the swamp"

 

"what does he like to eat?"

"I have no idea yet, haven't fed him once"

 

 

 

Scooters generally don't have a lot of top speed, with many limited to under 60mph just so the person doesnt kill himself. Ours 380lbs on it tops at around 50... which was great for the first 40 minutes until the road stopped and turned left...leading to a freeway. My cousin having never been on a freeway on a scooter was not quite sure what to make of it. He went crosscountry on a scooter in india so he was driving:

 

going about 25mph entering the freeway with cars behind us. - check

going about 50 not sure which lane to go to, and what an exit is - check

me thinking we are probably going to die - check

 

 

after 10 minutes we pulled over on the shoulder by what looked like a pond where alligators might be. well, there was a huge stork sitting there looking carefully at the water, and the place was around "Alligator alley" so we took our chances. We left the scooter and started walking around. Both of us took 2 big rocks in our hands just in case we had to send on towards a charging alligator. After 5 minutes, with the rocks now in the pond, and no crocs, we came back to the scooter.

 

Driving a little more we saw people fishing and taking pictures, so we stopped by and they said that yes indeed there are some alligators but they haven't seen any today. But if you go 15 more miles there are hundereds just sitting on a road. Yet we only wanted one, small one, that would fit in the suitcase and not bite and claw out of it when we are going 50mphs per hour back home on the freeway. Alas it was getting dark and there were none around, they also mention it is 5 years in jail if you are caught with an alligator. But my cousin stays optimistic:

 

 

"We can use the black guy defense!"

 

"i read that all of them come out at night, so what we do is turn the brights on the scooter and catch them then! we can even sleep here and catch them in the morning"

 

 

I am shacking my head and I want to live so I say we are going home.... we start the scooter... trying to start... its not starting... its not fcuking starting!! shit, 50 minutes from home with nothing but freeways and this is the time to do it?! Suddenly it turns over and starts... we get on it, and realize we are going 10 mph...

 

"uhhhh I think the accelerator is broke" says my pilot

 

the throttle is indeed useless, not having any impact on our turtle speed that is constant at 10mph.

 

Me -"Shit, this sucks"

Him - well, at least its running, we just have to get home like this.

 

 

10mph is man's running speed... which I knew once again because i had to run next to the bike while we were going up on the freeway ramp, since it couldnt go on its own with 2 people on it. Great.

 

about 3 miles later I was thinking "well, 3 hour ride home, but its better than nothing"... until I realized we would have to drive on a freeway shoulder and cross lanes as exits and enterances come up..which means we are crossing traffic going 65-80mph on a scooter going 10mph.

 

But we didnt have to worry about it too long, because as it made it up the hill it completely stopped. It was running but wasn't moving. Now we were fucked.

 

 

I call my mechanic and explain the situation. He groans a little and says "oh shit you guys are far...there is a black wire, under the seat, pull it, and see if the bike goes. it is attached to the throttle too"

 

so we start pulling on various wires buy the front of the bike where throttle is and the engine under the seat. nothing is happening.

 

I call back, and the guy doesnt answer.. I start to think I don't blame him, we are middle of nowhere on a freeway with a bike that doesnt work and no way to get it towed.

 

 

As we look for the right wire, my cousin pulls one and makes all the light on the bike dissapear. Now we are standing in complete darkness on the freeway shoulder with a bike that is still running. My mechanic calls back and through miracle and his advice I pull a tiny steel wire about an inch long by the engine and the bike jumps forward.

 

Great, I found a way to make it go faster, but if I let go, bike stops, and we have no lights. Through some very patient effort I was abble to connect the electric wires and hallelujah the lights came back on, now at least people could see us a little better befroe they run into us.

 

now we just had to figure out how to make the throttle work seeing how that wire was under the seat. my cousin comes up with a good idea - lets put a camera cord (the one he was going to tie an alligators mouth with) around it and then yank on it ... I say "yeah, we could lock it in place by sitting on it as it hangs over the seat, it could work!"

 

so the design was created:

 

 

he stand up

i stand up on the pegs, lift the seat with left hand, yank the cord that yanks the wire with the right, bike jumps forward, we both sit down on the seat that locks the wire in place.

 

to stop, we both on command raise up, i yank the seat up and let the wire come back to natural position. He hits the brakes and we hopefully stop.

 

 

 

 

 

We test it and it works, by god its working and we are going 10 times faster - 50mph again, we are flying through air!!

 

suddenly we see a traffic jam on the freeway in front of us.. it is time to let the seat up and let the wire loose... I raise up, yank the seat, but the fcuking thing is stuck!! we are flying and brakes do nothing! we slow down to may be 20mph, the engine is starting to overheat, brakes too, there is smoke coming out and it smells, and we run on the shoulder full of gravel to avoid hitting a car.. cousin screams "Oh shit bad roads careful!!" I yell "kill the engine!!" - that does the trick, and i jump out and violently hit the seat a couple of times to let it loose and it opens. Holy shit that was close.

 

 

We are not sure if the bike will even start after that kind of escapade. So we let it cool off while deciding what we will do. We cant keep going on the freeway because bumper to bumper traffic is there. there is some other road underneath that looks like the one we have taken before, so we roll the bike off the exit and to that street. I find directions and we are abotu 25 minutes from home. but there is a problem there are a lot of lights on these streets, so we would have to do this ordeal every time there is a red light coming up..and hope the seat unlocks

 

 

The way home is going pretty great, we are hitting a lot of green lights, and when its time to let the wire loose the seat come up easily. It just looked bizzare to people around us, two guys jumping up and down on a scooter and then one yanking some wires from the side to make it go, as if by hand...

 

after 20 minutes we are almost home, just another right turn and one more after that. We are sitting at the light 3 cars deep, and the light turns green, I hit the wires, and we start turning... my cousin yells "let go we are going too fast!!" I raise up, let go..and realize we are tilting to the right.... and we are now falling down. I cant remember the next half a second but I come to my senses on the ground on top of my cousin and half of me under the scooter. WTF?!!

 

I get up and it seems I am ok, help my cousin up and he is ok too.. what the hell happened? A car next to us stops and says "there was an oil spill there before" and he is right, i feel it with my foot, sliding all over. motherfucker! we tell people we are ok, and restore our breath and heart beats. a nearby cop doesnt even care.. sits there in his car without doing anything..may be thats good.

 

I turn the bike off pick it up and we carry it home about quarter of a mile. I try to start it but the battery dies, it flew out of the thing pretty far when we fell.

 

Total count - my wrist hurts a little, hopefully just a sprain, i can turn it towards me but not too much or it hurts. my cousin has some scratches, little torn clothes, bike could still work, but no jimmy in the bathtub!

That was a hilarious story. Glad you two are okay.

What a entertaining story! Glad you guys are ok. Good luck with Jimmy!

Funny stuff. Now go find Jimmy!

I don't even know where to begin...

 

 

Hilarious story, but that sounds like the worst idea ever.

You are crazy if you actually want to catch one haha, and ''a black guy gave us this alligator'' will it even work?

This thread is too long for me to read right now.

 

Are they still camping in concrete jungles?