How to know if she is the right one?

A little depressed here, but also looking for words of wisdom from older LP members.

 

I recently broke up from a 4 year relationship with a girl who I believe cheated one me after taking an overseas trip (couldn't handle carrying the relationship forwarded without trust on my personal behalf). I was somewhat relieved to be honest, because I wasn't really that into her. I stayed for the 'safety' as she has always wanted my attention, broke down in tears when breaking up etc.... I guess in the end, I decided to give her my all and tables turned.

 

Anyways I'm going to keep looking for that one girl.

 

Do most members here stay with their partner because it is safe (they love you more than you love them and have attritubes which beneficial long-term - good cook, clean, educated etc...)?

 

Or do us men take the risks and try to tame?

Bottom line.....don't try too hard and spend all your time worrying about if she's the right one or not.

Spend your time enjoying her company. As soon as you don't enjoy her company, she isn't the right one.

 

If that never ends, then 45 years down the line (or whatever) and a life of happiness is your answer.

 

On another note, you mention that you suspect your girlfriend cheated. Do you have anything to go on?

If not, you may want to evaluate your own security before worrying too much about finding "the right one". Make yourself the right one for someone else first.

 

 

 

 

just go for the one that's good in bed...... and take in consideration the linear relationship of this scale:

 

 

 

 

You will be set for life!

On another note, you mention that you suspect your girlfriend cheated. Do you have anything to go on?

If not, you may want to evaluate your own security before worrying too much about finding "the right one". Make yourself the right one for someone else first.

 

I found compelling evidence (Facebook, emails) during her holiday and apparently one of the guy from her group of friends was her ex boyfriend (they dated back in year 7 and even though they haven't spoken for10 years). I've always trusted her and I guess I have always been the best partner I could be - education, career and money. It's hard to get straight answers as her body language seems legit.

 

End of the day, I found she is still chating to this guy when she came back. I've dodged a bullet, but I also feel as though we are two different people. I certain she is torn between us two, but its better for me to leave. Why be the back up boy eh?

Youre just feeling the uncertainty and emptyness that always comes when getting out of a relationship. Give it time...rebounding won't usually find Ms. Right. You need Ms. Rightnow.

first , how old are you?

 

 

I found compelling evidence (Facebook, emails) during her holiday and apparently one of the guy from her group of friends was her ex boyfriend (they dated back in year 7 and even though they haven't spoken for10 years). I've always trusted her and I guess I have always been the best partner I could be - education, career and money. It's hard to get straight answers as her body language seems legit.

 

End of the day, I found she is still chating to this guy when she came back. I've dodged a bullet, but I also feel as though we are two different people. I certain she is torn between us two, but its better for me to leave. Why be the back up boy eh?

 

 

Let me give you a little background.

 

My wife is from Indiana.

 

Im from California.

 

She has had two serious boyfriends in her life. Me and another guy.

 

She met the other guy in England when she was there on year abroad.

 

They were together for YEARS. (I dunno how many... A half dozen or more?)

 

They broke up and she met me about a couple of months later and we've been together since.

 

He works in the entertainment industry, I work in the entertainment industry. My birthday is September 12. His is September 11. And heres the kicker. We both went to the same TINY (2000 graduates in 100 years) high school. He was a couple of years ahead of me.

 

Not only does she still "talk with him" hes both of our's FRIEND now.

 

 

If you're worried about her cheating on you, than theres either something wrong with the girl youre dating, or theres something wrong with you.

 

 

Youre just feeling the uncertainty and emptyness that always comes when getting out of a relationship. Give it time...rebounding won't usually find Ms. Right. You need Ms. Rightnow.

 

I agree. I've decided to take some time off to get back to my old self. Gosh its been a long time...

 

first , how old are you?

 

 

I'm 24 and she's 26. To be honest the thing that is mind boggling is that she has never lied to me throughout our relationship. This may be the biggest regret of my life if she was honest or the biggest opportunity to thrive personally. I've thrown in the towel anyways, I can't be with someone who doesn't respect me.

 

 

If you're worried about her cheating on you, than theres either something wrong with the girl youre dating, or theres something wrong with you.

 

I have always been open about her hanging out with one of her ex or guy friends that I have met in Australia. I've never had a problem as she has always updated me (without my request) and I'm not the type who restricts their partner freedom.

 

I guess while she had gone overseas for 5 weeks, everytime I tried to contact her she'd get angry or push me off the phone (but relatives also had the same issues).

 

I don't really know whether to give benefit of the doubt OR guarantee myself being made a fool. I've closed all ties and I'll see if she does come running back (I can tell she still loves me) with honest answers, as she doesn't see what she did was wrong. Maybe I'm just the back-up guy, but I do have a lot of better qualities then the other chap e.g. looks and success.

Let me give you a little background.

 

My wife is from Indiana.

 

Im from California.

 

She has had two serious boyfriends in her life. Me and another guy.

 

She met the other guy in England when she was there on year abroad.

 

They were together for YEARS. (I dunno how many... A half dozen or more?)

 

They broke up and she met me about a couple of months later and we've been together since.

 

He works in the entertainment industry, I work in the entertainment industry. My birthday is September 12. His is September 11. And heres the kicker. We both went to the same TINY (2000 graduates in 100 years) high school. He was a couple of years ahead of me.

 

Not only does she still "talk with him" hes both of our's FRIEND now.

 

 

If you're worried about her cheating on you, than theres either something wrong with the girl youre dating, or theres something wrong with you.

 

So you showed him your gun collection first.....and know you have nothing to worry about

 

Maybe I'm just the back-up guy, but I do have a lot of better qualities then the other chap e.g. looks and success.

 

 

Okey dokey....don't take this the wrong way but, what if she isn't superficial and actually values self confidence over looks and some cold hard cash?

 

Sounds like there are some communication issues as well. I don't know if they are on your side or hers, usually it's a little bit of both and it didn't just happen. It would take the 4 years of not communicating well, or someone not taking well to certain types of communication, to harbor this.

 

Either way it sounds like there were some cracks in the relationship which would suggest to me that perhaps you both aren't best for each other, for whatever reason I don't know.

 

 

Either way it sounds like there were some cracks in the relationship which would suggest to me that perhaps you both aren't best for each other, for whatever reason I don't know.

 

Absolutely. I didn't have much money at the start, but saw me grew. I guess she wasn't patient enough to see it through.

 

I won't ponder my mind on this matter anymore.

 

Thank you again for your input.

 

Time to get hunting.

Time to get hunting.

 

 

 

That's the spirit man!

 

You're still young and you really don't need to find the 'perfect person' for you just yet. I figure it will happen when it happens and you'll know it.

 

Until then, just enjoy and have fun.

 

You won't have to ask if she's the right one. You'll know

I would think nothing of her not wanting to talk on the phone while stuyding abraod. She was probably always in the middle of something and it was VERY inconvenient to sit and have a good talk.

You won't have to ask if she's the right one. You'll know

 

 

 

True enough.

 

Besides, women never give a simple and honest answer anyways, so you're best off not asking any questions whatsoever.

 

Following closely, drinking heavily, will respond in a while, wait for it, it will be nasty.

Bottom line.....don't try too hard and spend all your time worrying about if she's the right one or not.

Spend your time enjoying her company. As soon as you don't enjoy her company, she isn't the right one.

 

If that never ends, then 45 years down the line (or whatever) and a life of happiness is your answer.

 

On another note, you mention that you suspect your girlfriend cheated. Do you have anything to go on?

If not, you may want to evaluate your own security before worrying too much about finding "the right one". Make yourself the right one for someone else first.

 

 

Spot on, top grade. As someone who has the emotional maturity of a rust bucket for the majority of my life, and now, thanks to a great girl is changing that, here are some thoughts:

 

1. find a girl who will keep you honest. I can't BS this girl - she sees through me, and I have to get outside my own head and consider her and be genuine - that is being real and that's how you connect with people on a real level.

 

2. Do not let insecurity prevent you from being yourself. I had this huge thing about judging and in the end I realized it was just my own insecurity which made me judge others before they can judge me. Where you want to get is realize people still like you because of your actions and how you make them feel, no matter what you might yourself think about own shortcomings.

 

So, strip away the bullshit, and: "Spend your time enjoying her company. As soon as you don't enjoy her company, she isn't the right one."

Use the door trick fom the movie bronx tale.

Use the door trick fom the movie bronx tale.

 

GREAT 1st post! Welcome

Do most members here stay with their partner because it is safe (they love you more than you love them and have attritubes which beneficial long-term - good cook, clean, educated etc...)?

 

Or do us men take the risks and try to tame?

 

Sorry to hear about your luck man. Keep your chin up and look at the big picture - your overal happiness is #1, no one can take that away from you.

 

I'm interested to hear some input on the questions I quoted from you, as I think they're pertinent to many people.

 

It's tough for me to get input because most of my friends have been like me - single most their life with a few very short relationships - or players. So here are just a few short thoughts/questions for some of you, relating to this topic (and OP's questions).

 

What are deal-breakers for you?

 

What things did you see in a relationship but didn't act on - but in hindsight was a red flag?

 

This one especially: What if she doesn't have many friends? Or all her friends are guys? For someone like me, I love to be surrounded by friends - what future implications are there if a girl barely has any in college?

 

For those who have been happily married for many years: Was there ever any doubt?

 

 

1. What are deal-breakers for you?

 

2. What things did you see in a relationship but didn't act on - but in hindsight was a red flag?

 

 

3. This one especially: What if she doesn't have many friends? Or all her friends are guys? For someone like me, I love to be surrounded by friends - what future implications are there if a girl barely has any in college?

 

1. Infidelity is a deal breaker. There is only one solution.

 

2. Anyways, I've treated her right from the beginning which she loved about me. End of the day, we were actually very different people who made it work - I guess both of us were putting on a show when it wasn't meant to be?. There are just a few red flags, which you can google anyways. Maybe she was under the impression that I was like her weak ex boyfriend who would come back crying for her love since she could abuse our trust.

 

3. Very much depends on the girl. My ex was like one of the boys, never hangedout with new guys and always called me after she had hanged out without me even asking. She was outgoing with a lot of gay friends. I wouldn't mind to be honest because trust is the major factor. Once the trust has been damaged, there's no working it out.

 

 

On to the next one - Jay Z

 

 

On to the next one - Jay Z

THIS.

 

 

Dont forget to bring it back. Now double your money and make a stack.