The most deranged sorority girl email you will ever read

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-derange...-will-ever-read

 

There are two things the Delta Gamma sorority's University of Maryland chapter refuses to tolerate. The first is Delta Gammas who are "LITERALLY being so fcuking AWKWARD." The second is young ladies who are "so fcuking BORING."

 

Last week, bitches got told.

A tipster forwarded us the following expletive and CAPS-ridden email tirade, sent to the entire sorority chapter by one of its executive board members, that will go down in history as one of the most passionate denunciations of fcuking AWKWARD AND BORING-ness ever committed to words.

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fcuking ride.

 

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been fcuking UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fcuking AWKWARD and so fcuking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fcuking find you on campus to do it myself.

 

I do not give a flying fcuk, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fcuk, about how much you fcuking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fcuking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fcuking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fcuking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE fcuking NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE fcuking SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE fcuking SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fcuking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE fcuk WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a fcuk if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fcuking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

 

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID fcuking ASS HATS, IT fcuking DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW fcuking WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN fcuking UP AT SOBER fcuking EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fcuking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fcuking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. fcuking. Team. ARE YOU fcuking STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU fcuking BLIND? Or are you just so fcuking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE fcuking LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR fcuking MATCHUP. I will fcuking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fcuk if you SOR me, I WILL fcuking ASSAULT YOU.

 

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

 

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

 

I'm not fcuking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fcuking awkward than 80 that are fcuking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fcuking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fcuking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

 

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fcuk. Go fcuk yourself.

Best part is the closing line. Go fcuk yourself.

That is awesome. Who hasn't wanted to send an email like that at some point.

 

I'm guessing she was kicked out of the sorority unfortunately.

That is awesome. Who hasn't wanted to send an email like that at some point.

 

I'm guessing she was kicked out of the sorority unfortunately.

 

I think its one of the 'leaders' telling members to straighten up and quit being SO fcuking AWKWARD AND BORING!!!!!!!!

If I'd guess, it sounds like a prank and perhaps the boyfriend of "julia" hacked into the sorority mailing list-- I cannot believe a female wrote something like that as what girl(s) do you know call other girls "you fcuking faggots".

 

The letter is riddled with masculine verbiage ... "cock block" "boner" "faggots" etc.

I will fcuking cunt punt the next person

 

Has me on the floor laughing my ass off. A good break from the Boston thread.

 

 

 

Sounds like she is pushing a slutty agenda. I like.

I believe its real and hilarious. I wouldn't doubt if she was a little drunk when she wrote it.

 

It will be hard for people who weren't part of a big greek system in college to understand.

It will be hard for people who weren't part of a big greek system in college to understand.

yeah, i had no idea what i was reading.

 

anyways, where are the pics of "Julia"?

I believe it is real for sure. I played soccer in college and we had a mixer with a sorority one night and it was such a waste of time. I knew some sorority chicks who I could see writing something like this. Never had any interest in the Greek life.

Sounds like a dude wrote that. Pretty funny though.

Man i posted this in things that make you LOL.. i should have known it was topic worthy...

yeah, i had no idea what i was reading.

 

anyways, where are the pics of "Julia"?

Girl in the middle

The ole "rent a friend" clubs. This is freaking hilarious...

I don't get the whole fraternity and sorority thing, probably because I didn't go to a traditional US college. I don't think we have anything like it in Europe.

She has a twitter page..... That letter is tame in comparison.

I'm going to work Cunt Punt into more conversations.

I don't get the whole fraternity and sorority thing, probably because I didn't go to a traditional US college. I don't think we have anything like it in Europe.

Ever notice how its easier to hookup with a girl if you have a mutual acquaintance? When houses are 100 people big, it plays on that concept... It's likely you both know a 'brother' or 'sister' of each others. Additionally, makes it much easier to arrange intramural sports teams, equal gender ratio parties, passed down old tests for classes, etc.

 

Pooled resources and collective power by numbers has its merits.

She looks pretty doable. I would have to take out my hearing aids to avoid having to hear any of the nonsense coming out of her mouth though.

I like her already, and shes easy on the eyes at that.

 

I have a certain respect for girls who don't pussy foot around and with liberal use of profanity get a point across.

 

It's a welcome change from the cunts I deal with who always play the victim and complain constantly. I'd be thrilled if any of them mustered 1/5th the integrity and get shit done attitude this chick has.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

did I mention shes pretty fcuking hot.

I like her already, and shes easy on the eyes at that.

 

I have a certain respect for girls who don't pussy foot around and with liberal use of profanity get a point across.

 

It's a welcome change from the cunts I deal with who always play the victim and complain constantly. I'd be thrilled if any of them mustered 1/5th the integrity and get shit done attitude this chick has.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

did I mention shes pretty fcuking hot.

Bingo!

expletive and CAPS-ridden tirade

 

You can come clean Roman - it was you who wrote this wasn't it?

Alison Haislip reading the letter...HILARIOUS!!

 

A quick search and replace, and I have my next employee motivational briefing...

What's her twitter name?

Lindsey Lohan is a Delta Gamma?