Did anyone here decide to never have children?

I tend to agree that having children, unto itself, is a form of selfish act. That is a touchy area though as people can tend to take that the wrong way in that you're basically saying they're just selfish bastards only thinking about themselves, which is not the case for everyone. But I mean the decision as to whether or not to bring a new life form into the world generally hinges on the reasoning of, "I want kids," not, "I am ambivalent about the subject or do not want kids, but it is my human duty to have them anyway so as to continue the human population..." few have kids for those reasons.

 

Some people though I think it is blatant selfishness, having them in situations where they shouldn't or if they have genetic conditions that are bad. For example, I saw on television this one woman who was born without arms. She wanted a child though and the doctors told her that due to her genetics, there was a 50% chance that the child would be born without arms. So she had a kid anyway and it came without arms.

 

Never understood the argument that someone is selfish for not having children. That logic only works if the human population is on the verge of dying out or something and we need people to breed.

I mainly did not want kids because of fear of having to finally "grow" up and the responsibiity. Those fears were unfounded.

 

Best,

Phil

 

Could you elaborate some more on that? Usually I always read about how people with kids say what a HUGE responsibility they are and how they didn't know how big of a responsibility they'd be and how they eat up all their free time, etc...is that not per se the case?

We always planned to have kids but had them sooner then expected (I was 25) and closer together then expected (15 months apart). Now as the father of a 5yo and a 4yo I can't imagine my life without them....I also can't really remember what life was like before them either.

 

Nothing wrong with deciding not to have kids...be it for altruistic reasons or selfish ones. My Aunt and Uncle don't have kids and have always treated my siblings and I like their own. I enjoy being a parent and the cool uncle!

 

One thing I am surprised to not see in here at all is adoption. Plenty of talk about wanting kids and not being able to have any...talk about IVF and the pros and cons but nothing about "buying" a kid. My wife is adopted and having spent time working at an orphanage in Guatemala I can't imagine NOT adopting if we wanted children and were unable to have biological ones easily. Not judging here at all...just curious!

Says you. I am building a minion army

 

 

You and me both. My kids better come back and take care of me. I plan on being completely sedentary in the next couple years, I want them to spend the rest of their lives showering me in gratitude.

Just to clarify...we did not have kids to rely on later. We do not want to be a burden and if our care requires too much time/effort, we would rely on professional help.

 

Assuming they are reasonably close, getting them to set up whatever new fangled technology is around in 30 years shouldn't be a big ask.

 

Both sets of parents are with 10 minutes of our house so helping them from time to time is not that big a deal.

 

Recently my mom broke a thermometer so I went over to help clean up the mercury since her eyesight is soso. I'm talking about things like this...not daily bathing or feeding an invalid parent.

You and me both. My kids better come back and take care of me. I plan on being completely sedentary in the next couple years, I want them to spend the rest of their lives showering me in gratitude.

 

Me three.

 

Add grandkids to spoil in an offensive manner.

 

Everyone to each their own - bottom line having kids at a young age drove me to work harder smarter and if it were not for them chances are failure would have been an option.

You and me both. My kids better come back and take care of me. I plan on being completely sedentary in the next couple years, I want them to spend the rest of their lives showering me in gratitude.

 

You have to move here my friend, the heat will be good for your old bones

I'm 42, I love kids, but I feel like it is too late, or getting too late. I dated some hot women, and some bat-shit crazy ones. I just don't even think the women I find these days are worth giving it a shot.

I never wanted children. I was very selfish of my time. I was raised to be very independent and it was almost impossible to think about someone depending on me so much. How could I give so much of my time so someone else.

 

I now have children. 10,5, and 18mo.. 2 boys and a girl. We are finished and I just got clipped. So I know I am done.

 

 

I wish I could have 10 kids. I wish I could be patient enough with all of them. i wish i had enough time and energy for that many, but I don't. I miss the days without children where every second of every day was my own, but I would never trade that for an empty house.. It was such a vain living. They are now my reason for living and as strange as this may sound they are the reason I am at peace with death. I don't fear things like I used to. The only thing I fear now is not giving them the love and attention they need to become strong independent people themselves.

 

 

however... IF YOU KNOW YOU DON'T WANT CHILDREN DON'T HAVE THEM! They are little vampires. Time vampires, love vampires, and most of all SLEEP VAMPIRES!!

We always planned to have kids but had them sooner then expected (I was 25) and closer together then expected (15 months apart). Now as the father of a 5yo and a 4yo I can't imagine my life without them....I also can't really remember what life was like before them either.

 

Nothing wrong with deciding not to have kids...be it for altruistic reasons or selfish ones. My Aunt and Uncle don't have kids and have always treated my siblings and I like their own. I enjoy being a parent and the cool uncle!

 

One thing I am surprised to not see in here at all is adoption. Plenty of talk about wanting kids and not being able to have any...talk about IVF and the pros and cons but nothing about "buying" a kid. My wife is adopted and having spent time working at an orphanage in Guatemala I can't imagine NOT adopting if we wanted children and were unable to have biological ones easily. Not judging here at all...just curious!

 

In my younger years I would have never adopted, but now having children, it doesn't matter what vagina they came out of. If they are your children, they are your children. I could love an adopted child just as my own. There are plenty of children out there that need a loving home.

is it true all parents are miserable?

 

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/paren...appiness-study/

I get ambivalent about the whole thing. On the one hand, I tend to lean more towards not wanting them, on the other hand, I then get images of myself as this lonely old man with no immediate family.

Double-post

is it true all parents are miserable?

 

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/paren...appiness-study/

 

One thing I do wonder is how much finances play in this, and thus if a lot of L/P members who are happier with having children are able to be so because of lack of financial stress, whereas parents of average income are more stressed...?

One thing I do wonder is how much finances play in this, and thus if a lot of L/P members who are happier with having children are able to be so because of lack of financial stress, whereas parents of average income are more stressed...?

 

If you can make it as a single income household, you at least have one parent, usually/preferably the mother to raise the kids.

 

Taking it a step further, and the breadwinner can be home more often than not? Awesome.

 

Business owners may not necessarily be making a ton of money but their flexibility is usually very good most of the time. My buddy owns a retail store open 7 days a week but the hours he holds are very ideal to be around his kids pretty much every single day.

 

 

 

 

Wanting kids should be the last thing you think of, finding a woman that will be the mother to your kids is of utmost importance. The heartache of splitting custody of your children will drive anyone insane. I think most will back me on this. Everything else is just speculation.

 

In regards to adoption, I will love to later once my kids get a little older but 3 is a handful.

I get ambivalent about the whole thing. On the one hand, I tend to lean more towards not wanting them, on the other hand, I then get images of myself as this lonely old man with no immediate family.

 

You'll need to get out of your basement and meet a chick first, worry about the 529 when it's relevant.

 

 

If you can make it as a single income household, you at least have one parent, usually/preferably the mother to raise the kids.

 

Taking it a step further, and the breadwinner can be home more often than not? Awesome.

 

Business owners may not necessarily be making a ton of money but their flexibility is usually very good most of the time. My buddy owns a retail store open 7 days a week but the hours he holds are very ideal to be around his kids pretty much every single day.

 

Hell around here unless mom is making 6 digits, with two kids it's a wash by the time you pay for child care/taxes/commuting costs, etc. Besides that, and despite the feminist scathing I may take, I really believe kids grow up better with momma around doing what nature intended. My wife is a lot of fantastic things but she will never be a big earner. It's only logical for her to stay home and be CEO of Family,inc.

One thing I do wonder is how much finances play in this, and thus if a lot of L/P members who are happier with having children are able to be so because of lack of financial stress, whereas parents of average income are more stressed...?

It's a mistake (IMO) to assume that "a lot" of L/P members don't have financial stress.

 

Yes - it's seems obvious that there are some people here with lots of resources, or at least more than most. But this is an assumption too.

 

Not everyone is in that category and one doesn't have to be "wealthy" to own a Lambo. Plenty of the cars are financed in one way or another and it all comes down to personal choices. But just because someone drives a "flashy" car, or has "fancy" assets like a boat or nice house, doesn't mean they don't have financial stress. They could be spreading resources very thin.

 

And even if you do have plenty of resources and minimal financial stress - it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be a better parent or a happier person. I know people with millions who are miserable. I have friends that I'd guess have modest means who are very happy.

 

You need good health or nothing else matters. Money can make life easier in some ways but doesn't guarantee happiness. You make your own happiness. It must come from within. If you pin YOUR happiness on someone or something else (your spouse or your fortune) then you are giving away your power and putting someone/something else in charge of your outlook.

 

Good health and good outlook = happy life, good relationships, positive parenting (if you choose to have children).

 

I am simplifying here....but I believe this ^ to be true, and it's easy to assume money is the answer to less stress and more happiness. Sometimes it is....but not always.

 

It's a mistake (IMO) to assume that "a lot" of L/P members don't have financial stress.

 

Yes - it's seems obvious that there are some people here with lots of resources, or at least more than most. But this is an assumption too.

 

Not everyone is in that category and one doesn't have to be "wealthy" to own a Lambo. Plenty of the cars are financed in one way or another and it all comes down to personal choices. But just because someone drives a "flashy" car, or has "fancy" assets like a boat or nice house, doesn't mean they don't have financial stress. They could be spreading resources very thin.

 

And even if you do have plenty of resources and minimal financial stress - it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be a better parent or a happier person. I know people with millions who are miserable. I have friends that I'd guess have modest means who are very happy.

 

You need good health or nothing else matters. Money can make life easier in some ways but doesn't guarantee happiness. You make your own happiness. It must come from within. If you pin YOUR happiness on someone or something else (your spouse or your fortune) then you are giving away your power and putting someone/something else in charge of your outlook.

 

Good health and good outlook = happy life, good relationships, positive parenting (if you choose to have children).

 

I am simplifying here....but I believe this ^ to be true, and it's easy to assume money is the answer to less stress and more happiness. Sometimes it is....but not always.

 

Very well put cake. Think this applies to this thread and many others!

on the other hand, I then get images of myself as this lonely old man with no immediate family, friends, and kicked out of every forum on the internet.

 

Fear not Wheels, you'll always have a place in L Power

Happily snipped. I personally feel like there's enough people on the planet. I don't regret it a bit.

 

I have a lot of personal reasons though for it.

 

- I don't want to deal with kids. I don't mind other people's kids some of the time. I just don't want to deal with my own.

- I enjoy the financial freedom as well as the freedom of the time of not having kids. If I'm seeing someone who is on the same page with that, I enjoy it because we both have the freedom of doing stuff without having to worry about, "let's find a babysitter... can we bring them along? we need to schedule time so we can go do xyz." it's nice to just say, "let's go on an adventure!" and do whatever I want, whenever I want.

- I want to concentrate on business, not raising a family.

- I am selfish with my hobbies. I'd rather restore cool cars and have fun with them.

- I do NOT want to worry about the stress of being "oopsed" which has happened to a few friends of mine who were told the girl was on BC, lied about it and they just wanted a kid. Now they're paying child support and don't really get to see their kids hardly ever. Big nope for me.

- I enjoy the stress free worry of enjoying intimacy with whomever I'm with without concern. Less stress for them, less stress for me. If you find someone who is on the same page about it? Mannnnn it's fun.

 

Issues with being snipped:

 

- Finding people who live a childfree lifestyle is difficult from what I've found, but they exist.

- There seems to be an odd stigma that goes with it that you're just a selfish person. However, most people that I meet that have kids start with the justification of, "I wanted...." when they describe having kids. To me, both choices are "selfish" in that sense, and to me it simply means we have different things we wish to be that way about. One includes raising a family, one doesn't. I see no issues with either. I think all people are selfish about something, just different things. I don't see that as bad.

- Dating is more difficult since most people my age either want kids, have kids, or aren't sure. That kind of stems back to the difficulty of finding others who are childfree. To me though it's a nice filter... since people who are on the fence or want them are almost immediately weeded out when your response isn't just, "I don't really want any" to, "I can't have any." You're either compatible, or you aren't compatible.

 

Again, I've got zero issues with people who want kids, have kids and are happy with their families. It just isn't for me. I normally don't talk about really super personal things these days on forums, but I don't really have an issue discussing this stuff with people I consider friends, and this forum is full of them, if not a second family to me.

 

Cheers

Happily snipped. I personally feel like there's enough people on the planet. I don't regret it a bit.

 

I have a lot of personal reasons though for it.

 

- I don't want to deal with kids. I don't mind other people's kids some of the time. I just don't want to deal with my own.

- I enjoy the financial freedom as well as the freedom of the time of not having kids. If I'm seeing someone who is on the same page with that, I enjoy it because we both have the freedom of doing stuff without having to worry about, "let's find a babysitter... can we bring them along? we need to schedule time so we can go do xyz." it's nice to just say, "let's go on an adventure!" and do whatever I want, whenever I want.

- I want to concentrate on business, not raising a family.

- I am selfish with my hobbies. I'd rather restore cool cars and have fun with them.

- I do NOT want to worry about the stress of being "oopsed" which has happened to a few friends of mine who were told the girl was on BC, lied about it and they just wanted a kid. Now they're paying child support and don't really get to see their kids hardly ever. Big nope for me.

- I enjoy the stress free worry of enjoying intimacy with whomever I'm with without concern. Less stress for them, less stress for me. If you find someone who is on the same page about it? Mannnnn it's fun.

 

Issues with being snipped:

 

- Finding people who live a childfree lifestyle is difficult from what I've found, but they exist.

- There seems to be an odd stigma that goes with it that you're just a selfish person. However, most people that I meet that have kids start with the justification of, "I wanted...." when they describe having kids. To me, both choices are "selfish" in that sense, and to me it simply means we have different things we wish to be that way about. One includes raising a family, one doesn't. I see no issues with either. I think all people are selfish about something, just different things. I don't see that as bad.

- Dating is more difficult since most people my age either want kids, have kids, or aren't sure. That kind of stems back to the difficulty of finding others who are childfree. To me though it's a nice filter... since people who are on the fence or want them are almost immediately weeded out when your response isn't just, "I don't really want any" to, "I can't have any." You're either compatible, or you aren't compatible.

 

Again, I've got zero issues with people who want kids, have kids and are happy with their families. It just isn't for me. I normally don't talk about really super personal things these days on forums, but I don't really have an issue discussing this stuff with people I consider friends, and this forum is full of them, if not a second family to me.

 

Cheers

 

Well said I've considered getting snipped, my main issue is I have a few friends born from "snipped" dads so that always lurks in my head.

 

Well said I've considered getting snipped, my main issue is I have a few friends born from "snipped" dads so that always lurks in my head.

 

The failure rate is pretty low to be honest. It's a great idea to get samples checked once in a while. There's also a lot of people who get snipped and don't go back in to make sure they're sterile. A few studies have shown that almost 50% of people who get snipped don't even go back in to check sterility.

 

I refrained from anything until I knew I was 100% sterile. They make you do one check after 6 weeks, then you have to wait another 4 weeks after that to make sure the second sample is also clear. Once that's good, you're considered sterile. They recommend getting checked once or twice a year after that just to be on the safe side.

 

My understanding with modern vasectomies (in my case, a no needle, no scalpel) that they snip up to 1cm of the vas deferens, then clip and cauterize the ends on both sides. So it's sort of one of those, "Good luck mother nature" sort of things, but shit can happen. But like I said, failure rates are low, so be safe, get checked regularly.

My understanding with modern vasectomies (in my case, a no needle, no scalpel) that they snip up to 1cm of the vas deferens, then clip and cauterize the ends on both sides.

 

I want to get snipped...very interested in hearing more about this particular procedure. Maybe we should start a "getting snipped" thread...