Unauthorized rules of how to dress at Goldman Sachs

http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-dres...l-street-2013-8

 

Some funny stuff in here! I get the feeling LPDADDY had a hand in this article....

 

The Unauthorized Rules Of How To Dress At Goldman Sachs

 

It appears that writing is all about making lists these days.

So, having recently covered Tips for Surviving a Goldman Sachs Internship and Attending a Sporting Event With Your Boss, my latest attempt (by request) is a fresh, succinct, and definitive guide to dressing like an investment banker.

 

The genesis of this post is simple; American men dress like s---.

 

It doesn’t matter where you look, from the endless stream of bright-eyed but hopeless-looking students vying for the ever-shrinking number of analyst positions on Wall Street, to the haggard, white-collar, middle class masses traipsing their way from airport lounge to departure gate, while getting Hilton Reward Points rich and Chipotle fat.

 

Who better to help than the aggregated and infinite wisdom of GSElevator, with a comprehensive list of business fashion tips from the halls of Goldman Sachs?

 

So, here we go…

 

Shoes

 

No brogues, wing-tipped, or square-toed shoes.

#1: He's really wearing square-toed shoes...

 

#2: Wait, it's intern season already?

 

Stick with loafers; they’re more comfortable and convenient. And the conventional wisdom that they lack the formality of traditional lace-ups has long-since expired.

 

If you aren’t confident in your innate fashion sense, keep the shoes black when wearing a suit. There’s no need to attempt hazel Bottega Venetas and a matching belt with a monastral blue suit. In most cases, you can’t pull it off.

 

Prada and Gucci; start and end there. Decent $700 shoes will last you 3-4x times longer than something you pick up from Bloomingdale’s for $300. Do the math.

 

Cedar shoetrees are an absolute must. They absorb moisture, stiff-arm the signs of aging, and otherwise materially extend the life of your shoes.

 

Don’t forget to get your housekeeper a decent shine kit for Christmas. And make sure she uses it.

 

Socks

 

Unless you are married to a Sloane Ranger or studied Classics at Cambridge, leave the pink Richard James socks at home. It’s not Ladies’ Day at Ascot.

#1: Most Brits aren't gay, but their socks are.

 

Calvin Klein or Giorgio Armani makes some great calve-high plain black socks that never change with the season. And just as Michael Jordan insisted on a new pair of shoes every game, you need to keep the socks fresh.

Buy at least 20 identical pair every six months.

#1: I wear a brand new pair of socks every day. That's probably my only indulgence. That, and watches... And wine.

 

The ‘no socks’ look is disgusting, and is actually a stated violation of many corporate dress codes, particularly for banks.

 

Pants/Trousers

 

No cuffs and no pleats; pleats are for guys with gunts (front asses).

 

#1: Dude, cuffed pants are for limo drivers.

 

Belt loops are optional. If you have a decent tailor, rock the side tabs.

 

#1: Did you forget your belt today?

 

#2: I don't need one; did you forget to get your suit tailored?

 

Actually, side tabs are rather convenient if you are a junior banker. You’ve got less time for the gym and spend many a lunch and dinner hunched over your desk. Throw in the boozy nights out and extravagant client dinners and it’s a recipe for looking like 2011 Alec Baldwin.

 

Belts/Suspenders

 

This is pretty obvious - nothing garish or obnoxious, and this includes those ridiculous monogrammed silver buckles that all boys in Greenwich get for their 14th birthday.

 

A few years ago, we had a 1st year analyst walk across the trading floor with a Gucci ‘G’ belt buckle. “Hey bubba, I didn’t know The Gap made belts,” bellows out a trader. “Um, it’s Gucci,” the kid snaps back. The words are barely out of his mouth before he realizes he’s being mocked in front of half a dozen guys and just made it a lot worse. That was all it took; the kid was never able to earn even a modicum of respect after that, and ended up leaving the firm less than a year later.

 

No suspenders, period. Who do you think you are, Matt “GG” Defusco?

 

Shirts

 

The infamous blue shirt and white collar is acceptable, as long as the shade of blue isn’t too deep and accompanied with a power tie. This ode to Gekko works much better today in a light pink, baby blue, or lavender shirt, and without a tie.

 

Skip the monograms… Unless your initials are D.I.K.

 

No shirt pockets or collar buttons. This isn’t a 1994 Brooks Brothers catalogue.

 

Make sure your shirts are tapered appropriately. If you want to see how ridiculous ‘blousy’ looks, go back and watch some old Seinfeld reruns.

 

Have new shirts made every year and donate the old ones to Career Gear, a great non-profit that provides interview clothes to low income individuals.

 

French cuffs are fine, provided that the cufflinks aren’t straight out of the Donald J. Trump collection.

 

And if you sweat, wear a damn undershirt, you slob. Besides, a $50 t-shirt will save numerous $200 dress shirts from your disgusting armpits.

 

Ties

 

It’s all about the Windsor knot, with the perfectly symmetrical triangle. A half or full Windsor are both fine, depending on the thickness of the tie and the spread of the collar.

 

MD#1: Handshakes and tie knots. I don't have time for someone that can't master those basic skills.

 

Skip the dimple that creates that obnoxious crease; you’re not Al Sharpton.

Sorry interns and analysts, no Hermès.

#1: Don't show up to an interview in a Hermès tie. I don't give a f*ck if you can afford it, you have to earn it.

 

#1: Hermes ties are like Air Jordans for white people.

 

Everyone has a favorite tie, but don’t wear it every damn week.

 

#1: There's nothing pretentious about keeping a tie journal. It keeps me on a solid 10-12 week rotation.

 

Suit Jacket

 

You can’t go wrong with two-button, notched-lapel, and single-breasted. Skip the three-button suit altogether.

 

Absolutely no double-breasted herringbone. It’s gone and never coming back. Sorry, David Letterman.

 

Avoid the peaked lapel, unless it’s on a single-button, casual suit.

 

In terms of color, keep it to various shades of gray and navy, with a few varieties of pinstripes. That’s all you need.

#1: Is that a brown suit? The back office is in Jersey City, pal.

 

No need to go above 160 per inch thread count. Between the abrasive Herman Miller chairs and the drunken nights out, they don't last.

 

And it goes without saying; buy as many suits as you can reasonably afford.

 

But don’t waste your money buying off-the-rack at Barney’s or Bergdorf; go bespoke.

 

#1: Gucci suits are like Corvettes. They're a great way of telling people you didn't always have money.

 

It’s a cliché because it’s true; the most expensive suit is the one you wear the least.

#1: I spent $2,000 on a suit I don't need or like, just to impress a sales chick I don't find attractive.

 

Business Casual

 

If you're not in the US, lose the khakis.

 

Sweaters over a collared shirt? For the most part, no problem.

 

#1: Why do people wear wool if they know cashmere exists?

 

#1: There is no such thing as turtleneck weather.

 

Stick with Polo shirts; no one cares to watch you inevitably mime golf swings.

 

#1: Nothing says douchebag quite like wearing an Augusta golf shirt when the Masters are on.

 

Watches

 

I saw an Associate get picked off for sporting a new Daytona the week before bonus. A quick "if you want watches to matter, go work at Morgan Stanley" wiped that smirk right off his face.

#1: Wearing a Rolex is like driving an Audi. It says you've got some money, but nothing to say.

 

Thanks to Hank Paulson, Nike running watches and Livestrong bracelets were to 2004 what Lloyd's stubble beard has been to 2012-13. There are quite a few senior guys that still wear a Nike sport watch, intentionally, or even no watch at all.

 

#1: Not wearing a watch is the new Patek.

 

Forget all about Hublot. It’s a great way to tell people that you’re an idiot who has more money than taste. Hublot was a second-rate brand with third-rate craftsmanship until about 15 years ago when they arbitrarily doubled the price and started paying celebrities and sport figures to wear them. It's been a marketers wet dream.

 

#1: Hublot put the ‘whore’ in ‘horology’

 

Miscellaneous Tips

 

Pocket squares are for washed-up, unemployable ex-bankers, turned CNBC guest pundits, i.e. a guy who takes himself far too seriously and has a massive chip on his shoulder.

 

Wedding rings, watches, and cufflinks are the only acceptable form of jewelry for a man. Unless the Dalai Lama gave you that bracelet, leave it at home.

 

#1: In New York, don't trust a banker with a pocket square. In London, it's a pinky ring. And in Asia, don't f--king trust anyone.

 

Like Ambien and red wine, the wrong fashion combination can become a disastrously lethal cocktail of Larry Kudlow-esque proportions.

 

MD #1: A double-breasted suit and a blue shirt with a white collar? Was it a rough night in the water bed?

 

#1: Plaid shirt, bow tie, and pocket square is the douchebag trifecta.

 

Finally, "an architect is only as good as his builder, and a fashion designer is only as good as your tailor."

 

There you have it; head to toe. These tips won’t exactly get you laid at Soho House or on the cover of GQ; but on Wall Street and in business, you can’t go wrong taking this advice.

 

Just don’t go out and break the law or get scapegoated… Ask any juror, Fabrice Tourre’s ‘fabulous’(?) and expensive-looking fashion sense was a coffin nail come deliberation time.

 

 

 

 

 

Men who spend too much effort on fashion disturb me. Although I don't work at an investment bank so maybe I'm missing something.

Men who spend too much effort on fashion disturb me. Although I don't work at an investment bank so maybe I'm missing something.

 

 

I would fail out of there quick I guess. I wear my funky Mark Nason boots to work every day. Sometimes with pink socks.

Men who spend too much effort on fashion disturb me. Although I don't work at an investment bank so maybe I'm missing something.

I never was a fashionista, but I did dress well. I always had shined shoes and a pocket square.

That was pretty funny, shorts and polo/T-shirts here 99% of the time.

That was pretty funny. My dad has always been a good dresser and seemed to follow those rules. It served him well.

 

As for me, glad I don't have to deal with all those rules.....it's seal blue 'PJs' for me every day.

"Gucci suits are like Corvettes. They're a great way of telling people you didn't always have money."

 

Ugh...can't stand people who are so uptight with fashion. As long as I'm comfortable, I'm wearing whatever I like...usually shorts and tshirts

fcuk all that BULLSHIT....I am the boss and I wear whatever the fcuk I WANT...fcuk working for somebody where this shit matters. I remember my first job I had to wear a suit everyday and you could not leave the office without putting on your jacket...I realized then freedom and happiness for me was going to only come when I call the shots and wear whatever I want. As for Ties....look in the mirror if see yourself wearing a tie to earn a living then take a vacation and do some serious thinking.

Slowpoke

 

Forget all about Hublot. It’s a great way to tell people that you’re an idiot who has more money than taste. Hublot was a second-rate brand with third-rate craftsmanship until about 15 years ago when they arbitrarily doubled the price and started paying celebrities and sport figures to wear them. It's been a marketers wet dream.

 

#1: Hublot put the ‘whore’ in ‘horology’

I hate pleated pants and button collars so I agree with him there. I love me a 3 button suit so I disagree there. I laughed pretty hard at the Hubolt jokes because of Slowpoke and him coping to buying a 2k suit that he doesn't like to impress a saleslady he doesn't find attractive.

 

That being said my first job out of school I had to dress nice all the time and found it very enjoyable. My latest job has given me the freedom to wear the exact same thing every day and I find that even more enjoyable. I wear a pair of jeans and a black company polo every day to work. If I showed up in something else I think my co-workers would have a melt down.

So funny and so true

Reminds me of the Twitter Goldman Sachs elevator

 

 

https://mobile.twitter.com/GSElevator

 

 

 

... [Analyst drinks] #1: If I could choose between world peace and a reasonable fortune, my first Lambo would be orange.

I love my Nike golf shirts on B casual days, and I live in Michigan. If I were working in a FL, Cali etc... division, I can't imagine how many I'd have in the closet haha.

Reminds me of the Twitter Goldman Sachs elevator

 

 

https://mobile.twitter.com/GSElevator

 

 

 

... [Analyst drinks] #1: If I could choose between world peace and a reasonable fortune, my first Lambo would be orange.

 

One of my many go-to distractions when I get bored in lectures at MSU, haha.

This is hilarious satire.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Damn-It-Feels-Good-B...k/##/B0017T0ASK

 

 

 

That was pretty funny, shorts and polo/T-shirts here 99% of the time.

 

Isn't Queensland great? :-)

 

Although down here I've been advised by many a female that t-shirts are more acceptable down here. So I mix it up between the two.

 

But always like to wear a watch :-)

I would fail out of there quick I guess. I wear my funky Mark Nason boots to work every day. Sometimes with pink socks.

 

I sport the orange socks, but nice boots.

 

On the plus side, most days in the office I'm wearing shorts and a polo shirt. Casual brings it down to a T-shirt and Nike's.

 

The downside is I'm fcuking poor compared to IB's. But I would absolutely hate having to wear a suit every fcuking day.

 

 

Isn't Queensland great? :-)

 

Although down here I've been advised by many a female that t-shirts are more acceptable down here. So I mix it up between the two.

 

But always like to wear a watch :-)

 

That "no watch is the new Patek" had me rolling.

Slowpoke

 

I laughed right out at this post.

 

I bet the homo that wrote the article doesn't even own a Seiko and probably drives a Accord -98

 

Fuckinggayasshaters

I dont understand this one: MD #1: A double-breasted suit and a blue shirt with a white collar? Was it a rough night in the water bed

 

Also, I agree Hublots are all hype and ties do look better with dimples / creases.